If PETA could read my mind...
Thursday, August 25, 2005

..I'd be on their hitlist fer sure. Why? Because there is a cat named Percy living in my house- my soon to be new house. Granted, he was there a long time before me, and yes, 12 years ago I did rescue him from the side of the road but for crying out loud, I don't want to live with him.

You're just mean. Mean mean mean, you say. No. This cat is a squawker. Is that a word? He screams constantly when he wants food or attention which is always. He sheds massive amounts of hair. (Of course you know I have a thing against animal hair. It grosses me out.) His breath stinks like rotten old cat cavities. He climbs on your lap as soon as you sit down and starts digging in with his long sharp claws. And he does that kneading bread thing which is not only sick for a senior citizen cat but very painful.

And to top it all off, he POOPS and PEES and CLAWS randomly wherever and whenever he wants. I have implored, begged and otherwise whined to my mom to please let me do something with him, but no, she says, he's too old. He'll die if you move him somewhere else.

Did I mention I'm getting a new sofa? I just know the second he sees it he's gonna pee on it. Then claw it.

PercyHe hears a noise and turns momentarily to glare at the disturbance.
Percy2 1/4 of a second later, he gives me the cat equivalent of "talk to the hand."

I have tried being nice and petting him but then I get hair all over me. And in my mouth, Blech, there's just so much hair. And did I mention he poops and pees in the house when there's a perfectly clean litter box available? We got him a scratching thingy and catnip. He's not going for it.

I feel so guilty. I have negative thoughts about him. I won't tell you what they are or you will hate me 4evah.


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Who's the Monkey Mama?

Location: Planet Twinstar, Monkeyville, United States

I'm a real live human person...the slightly wacky mom of 6 year old identical twin primate princesses and one 2year old monkeyboy. I'm divorced from a crazy baboon and remarried to a big snuggly gorilla. I thank God daily for my wonderful family and friends, without whom I would go berserk. My chirren are the cutest kids ever born (besides yours) and if you don't believe that you obviously need to see a shrink.

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