Please note: The following post does not condone shooting people unless they are threatening you. I tell it for sheer amusement value. So if you are against the right to keep and arm bears, you better stop now. I know crime is serious, does not pay, yada yada.



Monkeyville has always been the kind of town where you could leave your back door unlocked and not worry about it. Lately there has been this roaming gang of thugs who are highschool dropouts breaking into cars and they have a gun and stuff. Long long long story short they are forming a neighborhood watch group thingy. They had the first meeting tonight. I went for the sheer amusement factor + nosiness + curiosity. The county Sheriff's office had three officers there to inform us of the measures we need to take to secure our little 'ville.

The lady organizing it introduced them and gave the rundown and after they had given their little speech they asked if there were any questions. Just when I thought the evening would be without excitement and I had wasted my babysitting money for nuttin, this old guy says, "So if someone is breaking in my car, can I shoot 'em?" Yes! Finally some tittering from the crowd. I knew these good ole Southern folks would wanna blast em.

The one sheriff guy said no, you can't shoot em. Not even if they are in your house unless they're getting ready to harm you. Not unless your life is in immediate danger! Not even if they are walking out the door with your TV!

Ay the travesty!!! Uproars of protest rose from the group from the gathered citizens. He adds "Not even if they're holding a knife and, and, and, and....." He trailed off trying to think of something to end the statement.

"CUTTING A HAM????" I yelled.

The crowd goes wild. Now we're getting somewhere.

"Oh no... if they come on mah house they ain't gettin out
buddy."
"Ha! You think i ain't dee-fendin my
property mister."
"Whipper snappers!"
"Thugs!"
"Punks!"

An emotional man stands up and gives an address Patrick Henry would be proud of. Some key declarations:
"...I'm gonna send em to see their Creator and not the way they wanna go neither!"
"Their rights end where mine begin and mine start right at my threshold!"
"If a guy comes in my house he's coming in to harm me and lemme tell you, I will pro-tect my family by any means necessary."

The bleeding heart speaks up and gets verbally beat down.
"Where are the resources to get these kids involved in something enriching and challenging? Where are the jobs for our young people?"

"Eeeeeeh, shut up ya softy!" (not really but you get the idea) Overall, a good meeting. We got alot accomplished. I volunteered. More on this when I get my beret.