Saturday after the girls went to have their picture(singular) taken we went to a Chinese Buffet(All You Can Eat Chinese Buffets, by the way, are evil places invented by satan to lure dieters to their deepfried doom) and they had this way cool built in koi pond in the lobby with a huge rock fountain and waterfall. Koi is a fancy name for big fat Chinese goldfish. These fish were like totally humongous- they must have been really old. That is the reason I hissed "Stop it kid!" at this hoodlum child who was leaning over and sticking his hand in the water trying to grab them.

The girls were totally entranced because they had never seen real live fish up close and they did not want to leave. They kept trying to say "fish, fish" and it came out more like "dish, dish" and ohmygosh it was freakin adorable. They were saying it in the van after we left, so I decided this would be a great time to stop by Walmart and get them the pet goldfish I have been talking about. (I know what you're thinking what kind of idiot buys fish at Walmart but hey they were only 28 cents each which should have been a redlight warning sign so sue me.) They picked out the ones they wanted (yes they did so there) and we happily took them to their doom to their happy new home.

Sunday morning they got up and I stupidly said "let's go look at your fishies" before I had checked them and when we went to look, lo and behold, one of them was going nightnights on the bottom of the bowl. "The fishtank is, of course, the most important piece of equipment. Tanks are not at all expensive, and buying a nice, big tank is the best thing you can do for your fish. You should never keep your fish in a goldfish bowl or other small container. "- the Goldfish Sanctuary

Why do they call them goldfish bowls??? Heeelllooo. And yes there is a site called the Goldfish Sanctuary where they give you all this information and I'm like, dudes are you serious?? They even have a link you click on to adopt goldfish that have been abandoned but when you click it it says the Goldfish Sanctuary is closed and I think it's because someone beat them up. Poor guys.

So the monks were kissing the outside of the bowl because it was a cute baby goldfish going nightnight. Sick, I tell you, just sick. Don't get me wrong I'm completely into the whole tell your kids the truth philosophy and all that other treehugging crud but they don't understand what dead means and it did look like it was sleeping (with its eyes open.) Mommy went and put it in bed down the potty and you know the rest. May he RIP. Today at lunch I went and got 2 more from the local pet store so we'll se what happens.

I was so very ecstatic to receive a phone call from the darling sweet Renee this evening. We shoulda been sisters for real. We were talking about how when we're around our siblings we revert to childish behavior. I won't go into the gassy details and gross you out.

Hey, wouldn't you feel bad if you made your sister a blog and then she NEVER EVER POSTED ON IT and then you made it look even better(today) and then you called her and gave her a guilt trip about how much work you had done for her ungrateful butt and then SHE FINALLY wrote something again? Nah, me neither.

One final note to myself from the goldfish website:

Do not keep looking at your goldfish with a "magnifying glass".
Good basic care is great! Over "mothering" your goldfish is not.
Last but not least: If your goldfish are healthy DO NOT change anything, no matter who tells you to change.

Okay I won't.