I love the internet because..
Thursday, December 29, 2005

...just when you think there can't be anything new, something cool pops up!
Check me out. I'm resolving the heck out of some stuff dudes.
I think we should all do this. Let's compare. Send me your link when you make yours.

Also, I have "met" like 4 new people who have blogs over the holiday so that totally increases my social sphere.

This puppy serves no purpose but isn't it cute?

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

As I have mentioned previously my family is LOUD! Holidays are wild and we have entirely too much fun with the kid's presents.

Here we see the dangers of sleep deprivation combined with the Star Station Kid's Karaoke that the girls got. Stacy was singing "Don't Worry Be Happy."


Must post pictures of Christmas morning, right?

Bedhead children open gifts in an excited state.

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Stocking with porcelain doll and chocolate tractor.

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Ready for church

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Uncle John shows Hannah his new toys.

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Sunday, December 25, 2005

If you look for Me at Christmas,
You won't need a special star---
I'm no longer just in Bethlehem,
I'm right there where you are.

You may not be aware of Me
Amid the celebrations---
You'll have to look beyond the stores
And all the decorations.

But, if you take a moment
From your list of things to do
And listen to your heart, you'll find
I'm waiting there for you.

You're the one I want to be with.
You're the reason that I came
And you'll find Me in the stillness,
As I'm whispering your name.


party girls
Friday, December 23, 2005

dec 23 006
dec 23 005

(Note how they take turns making me nuts.)

Dressed in Holiday Style.
Thursday, December 22, 2005

Monkey Christmas fashion...THE aunties gave the monkeys these outfits and they had to be put on immediately w/ rain boots. Basically, they rock the runway.


Oh Mah Gootness Shanaynay.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005


Everything bad about the internet is completely true and I am convinced of that now. You would never believe the stuff kids put about themselves on the www, dudes.

I heard a bunch of my students talking about their "mySpace." I had no idea what that was, but I found out it's this MSN thing kind of like a journal but not really. People put up their profile and stuff about themselves, pictures, whatever. Lots of teens do it, evidently. Then they leave each other comments and stuff.

So since I'm super-nosy, I went on the site out of curiosity just to see how hard it would be to find my students. The idiots (girls, 8th grade) have their real names, towns, zip codes, and school names on there, plus alot of other stuff about where they hang out, etc. Of course they have screen names but when you search by region they pop up. Yer supposed to be 18 to do it but they just fake it.

First I should mention how everloving in shock I was over the language they were using and the pictures of themselves they have on there. I mean, obviously I'm in the school every day so I know how they are, but goodness gracious, even I, who have seen and done just about anything, was muy muy surprised at the stuff they have written. I would never have guessed it from having them in class each day.

But more importantly, there are freakin pervs out there stalking teenybopper girls like this and here they are giving out their personal data to the whole world. I thought they were smarter than this, seriously. I don't want to go into super detail but let's just say my eyes were bugging out of my head, ok?

If you have kids, get a filter, then sit beside them the whole time they're on the computer, is all I can say. And/or go behind them and check and see what they did when you weren't there.

I'm going back to work on the Monkeydome Project, in which I will shield my children from evil and teach them to grow bulgur and sprouts. Off to work on the blueprints.

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Where I've Been...
Sunday, December 18, 2005

...is Lala land.

This Christmas has a bittersweet twinge to it. On one hand the girls are behaving better the last few days. We're all excited about my brother coming home from Mississippi- he'll be here Wednesday. On the other hand there is the looming sadness that comes with knowing this is the first Christmas without my grandmom, and here we are in her house. Everything we do makes me think of her and how much she would love all the decorations, lights, etc. Christmas was her favorite holiday and she liked it the gaudier the better. She had a childlike twinkle and always made our Christmases so special.

I vacillate between being happy and enjoying the holidays with my children and feeling completely crushed with sorrow. It's like the thought of my grandmom or some specific memory that involves her causes me physical pain and most of time makes me nauseous with grief. I try to avoid the latter as much as possible.

In addition to all that, all of a sudden the girls have started asking for their father specifically by name, which comletely freaks me out. I didn't even know they knew what his name was. Last night out of the blue at bedtime, Lily says "Where's Dan-ul?" (Daniel is his name?) I thought I had heard her wrong but she repeated it and I played dumb and said "Daniel who?" "My daddy, mom. My daddy." Talk about ripping my heart out through my throat. Then Hannah asked, "Mama, my daddy ever coming here again? To my house?" What am I supposed to say? That he was supposed to come that very day but decided to go to a Christmas party instead of coming here to see them? I told them maybe soon.

Then tonight again totally random in the bedtime conversation Lily said "I have 2 daddies." WHAT?! My mind is screaming. "What do you mean hon?" I asked nicely. "My Poppydaddy (my dad) and Dan-ul, mommy, my daddy. Two daddies." That's right I said, and changed the subject. Frigging frigosauraus rex I could do some major damage to this man for screwing with my kid's minds even though of course I know this thought of hers is not specifically his fault, but just for what he has done/not done in general. I thought these kinds of questions would start alot later than this. Now, here we go off into where'smydaddyland at warp speed. Deee- pressing stuff.

Here's what keeps me crankin. The monkeyhead love muffins. Mommy's sweet girls.

Before church today- don't you love these outfits? Bob and Sue got em.

Monkeys in the Christmas Pageant Tonight- wow we could'nt believe how well they behaved. 10 seconds before liftoff Gavin was screaming and they were whining and flailing about something, then BAM instant Mary, Joseph, and angel. I think they were dumbstruck by all the people looking at them. Hannah was the Angel and Lily was Mary, or as she says "The Jesus mommy."

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Thursday, December 15, 2005

(Mother is sitting in chair watching TV. Young mammal approaches.)
Hannah:(proudly)"Mommy, it's all gone!"
Me: "What honey? What do you mean?"
Hannah: "It's all way down my fwoat mommy. All gone!"
Me: "What did you eat?
Hannah: "My boogiesnot mama. I ate it all gone."

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

"Look at how cute we are. We are about to shcmear poo on the living room rug and climb up the sofa to jump off the back onto the rolling ottoman and careen wildly across the living room. "

I feel like I am being put through a wringer every second of the day except when I am sleeping. The kids at school are ballistic with the vacation coming. Then after work, as soon as I walk in the door, the babes are screaming, "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY GET ME MOMMY I WANT YOU MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!!" Plus like all the holiday stuff is happening, and since everything is going so great I am having a party next Friday the 23rd and sure, you can come.

I need one of those light things people sit under in the wintertime to cure depression and make the happy juices flow. Really, it's not so bad. (Bangs head against wall repeatedly.)

Monday after work I took the girls to the doctor's bc they have had a snotnose off and on since Thanksgiving and it's progressed to a hacking cough as well. I thought it was stuffy nosed turned sinus infection but the diagnosis was allergies and now they're on Zyrtec every night.

Oh yeah I wanted to tell you- it's the time of year for White Trash. (I use that recipe except I use mixed nuts and I add M&Ms.) This is what I've started making every year instead of baking for co workers and stuff. It tastes even better than it sounds and people scarf it down like maniacs. Face it, whether they will admit it or not, everyone loves white trash.

Uh huh.

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Sunday, December 11, 2005

I was gonna show them all at once but I believe I will dole out the cuteness bit by bit.



Sunday night...home and exhausted, getting ready for work tomorrow.

We had an awesome time and I am a guilty American consumer and Yuletide glutton extraodinaire.

I cannot believe how much these kids are talking all of a sudden. It's like they're little verbal sponges who have been soaking up everyone's conversation for 2.75 years and some unseen force is now squeezing them.

Tonight before bed I gave them cold medicine to take and Lily said very seriously "Okay mommy but no boogie machine."

Lawd have mercy.

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Thursday, December 08, 2005

I heartily apologize that I have not been to your blog lately, but my children have decided to doublehandly take over and disassemble the universe starting with our living room.

These mammals are bad. Not like the good bad, like Michael- Jackson-before-he-turned-into- a-big-freak Bad, but bad, like, how-high-can-I-climb-and-what-can-I-pillage-and-plunder-bad.

I have tried everything I can think of to get them to chill, and I'm wondering if this what I will have to deal with from now on or if this is just a phase. Tonight I was trying to do laundry and I heard something clinking and I went in the living room. They had pulled a chair over to the built in bookcase and climbed it to reach these antique china horses I have up there that were my grandmom's. I had moved everything up to what I thought was out of their possible reach. I resisted gasping in horror or screaming "YER GONNA FALL AND KILL YOURSELF" and snuck up behind them and grabbed em down. Have mercy on me sweet Jesus, I am, no we are (my mom, dad, Bob, Sue) about to lose our minds dealing with these kids.

These are the times when I think of torturing my ex husband. He shows up here every few months or so for a couple of hours and says either "Oh they're not bad" or "Can't you control them?" If he had to deal with this every day he might get a clue.

Soooooooooooooo, since everything is falling apart here I am leaving town for a few days with my mom and Sue.

No really, we had planned this little trip over a month ago and I ain't lettin nuttin', you hear me, nuttin' stop me. I have babysitters lined up around the clock and we have stocked the house with food, diapers, and juice. All I'm asking is that they be alive, hydrated, and not missing any limbs when I get back. I needs me a brizeak, fuh real.

We're going to the 'Burg. I haven't been there since college and there's lots of food to be eaten, wassail to be imbibed, plus lots of shopping, and sightseeing to be done.

I will not feel guilty. (repeat to self multiple times) Yeah right!


ps oh yeah i forgot to mention that the evil cat saturated Hannah's bed with pee today and I had to strip it and change it on top of everything else.

pps you might get a kick out of this- when i was in college i had a job in colonial williamsburg where i had to dress like a freak and be nice to tourists. oy vey!

ppps i really do love my kids and i do not think they are "bad" like evil and yes i realize i am blessed to even have children and all that crap.

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

fireplace 001

fireplace 2

fireplace 007

fireplace 008

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I saw the hanging ornament idea on southernliving.com then yesterday I found the reindeer on clearance for 5 bucks and the lit wreath for 7. Rock on rudolph!

Total cost=19 buckaroonis !

Beyond wild are the monkeys.

My darling churrends are driving me freakin certifiable, man. They are suffering from an intense case of cabin fever that worsens with each passing day of freezing rain, snow, and overall cruddy weather during which they cannot romp outside and burn their energy.
School got out at 12:30 today and I was so excited to be home early but my mom had just put em down for nappykins and was trying to force them to stay in bed. Talk about defiant! These kids, especially Lil, were climbing the walls. No discipline technique, I repeat NO technique works with them.

Yesterday they got up from their nap and finger painted raunchy raw smellin cacapoo all over their walls, window shades, beds, and other surfaces. Yes, you heard me. The cleanup was a stomach churning occasion. Nuf said.

Tonight they have been generally ripping and roaring throughout the monkey household. I told my mom we have got to find somewhere we can take them just to run around for a while otherwise all their caretakers will be sedated and in strait jackets.We may have a snow day tomorrow and if so I will let them romp outside til they turn into monkey- sicles.

Where have my loverly well behaved sweetykins gone? Please let them come home soon!!
Wish me luck.

(My comments won't open in some browsers now so if you click and nothing happens, right click the talking bananas link and choose open in new window.)

ps this link rocks

Dear(s) in the Headlights
Saturday, December 03, 2005

Can I just say that this was the best Santa I have ever had the chance to meet??? He was so real and not loud like the big "HO HO HO" screaming type, but a soothing sweet guy who was very patient with the scared monkeys and convinced them it was okay to sit down. This picture they took as soon as the girls were plopped on his lap so they look startled. I wish they had waited a few more seconds cuz they started talking to him and smiling and stuff.

He told them, "I remember your mommy from when she was as little girl, Lily and Hannah, and she was always so good." They looked at him in stunned admiration. (Obviously he didn't know mommy too well.)

Lily told him she wanted a twactor and a book and Hannah said she'd like a babydoll. After our turn was over they wanted to stand at the gate and watch him with the next kids and when we left they said "bye bye San Cwas!"

Of course, the crass commercialism of modern Yuletide comes into play at Santa's village in the mall. When I was a kid you got a Polaroid in a paper folder and if you shut your eyes for the flash, that was just too bad. Nowadays they have all digital and there's a list of packages while you're waiting and you tell the lady which package you want and you can get the digital on a CD for 5 bucks extra with photo purchase. And a free reindeer beanie baby with the Family Package for 39.95. I just got the minimum 10 buck pic so I could buy the digital.

The reason we were at the mall was we got our pics done finally at Sears with my nice 100.00 certificate but that's another post, boys and girls.

They're saying chance of snow here in Monkeyville overnight so I'm praying for a 2 hour delay in the morning. That would be splenderiferously wonderful.


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Thursday, December 01, 2005

"Go ahead ma. Just try and take a normal picture of us for our Christmas cards."
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Who's the Monkey Mama?

Location: Planet Twinstar, Monkeyville, United States

I'm a real live human person...the slightly wacky mom of 6 year old identical twin primate princesses and one 2year old monkeyboy. I'm divorced from a crazy baboon and remarried to a big snuggly gorilla. I thank God daily for my wonderful family and friends, without whom I would go berserk. My chirren are the cutest kids ever born (besides yours) and if you don't believe that you obviously need to see a shrink.

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