Thursday, December 08, 2005

I heartily apologize that I have not been to your blog lately, but my children have decided to doublehandly take over and disassemble the universe starting with our living room.

These mammals are bad. Not like the good bad, like Michael- Jackson-before-he-turned-into- a-big-freak Bad, but bad, like, how-high-can-I-climb-and-what-can-I-pillage-and-plunder-bad.

I have tried everything I can think of to get them to chill, and I'm wondering if this what I will have to deal with from now on or if this is just a phase. Tonight I was trying to do laundry and I heard something clinking and I went in the living room. They had pulled a chair over to the built in bookcase and climbed it to reach these antique china horses I have up there that were my grandmom's. I had moved everything up to what I thought was out of their possible reach. I resisted gasping in horror or screaming "YER GONNA FALL AND KILL YOURSELF" and snuck up behind them and grabbed em down. Have mercy on me sweet Jesus, I am, no we are (my mom, dad, Bob, Sue) about to lose our minds dealing with these kids.

These are the times when I think of torturing my ex husband. He shows up here every few months or so for a couple of hours and says either "Oh they're not bad" or "Can't you control them?" If he had to deal with this every day he might get a clue.

Soooooooooooooo, since everything is falling apart here I am leaving town for a few days with my mom and Sue.

No really, we had planned this little trip over a month ago and I ain't lettin nuttin', you hear me, nuttin' stop me. I have babysitters lined up around the clock and we have stocked the house with food, diapers, and juice. All I'm asking is that they be alive, hydrated, and not missing any limbs when I get back. I needs me a brizeak, fuh real.

We're going to the 'Burg. I haven't been there since college and there's lots of food to be eaten, wassail to be imbibed, plus lots of shopping, and sightseeing to be done.

I will not feel guilty. (repeat to self multiple times) Yeah right!


ps oh yeah i forgot to mention that the evil cat saturated Hannah's bed with pee today and I had to strip it and change it on top of everything else.

pps you might get a kick out of this- when i was in college i had a job in colonial williamsburg where i had to dress like a freak and be nice to tourists. oy vey!

ppps i really do love my kids and i do not think they are "bad" like evil and yes i realize i am blessed to even have children and all that crap.

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I'm a real live human person...the slightly wacky mom of 6 year old identical twin primate princesses and one 2year old monkeyboy. I'm divorced from a crazy baboon and remarried to a big snuggly gorilla. I thank God daily for my wonderful family and friends, without whom I would go berserk. My chirren are the cutest kids ever born (besides yours) and if you don't believe that you obviously need to see a shrink.

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