never ask "what next?"
Thursday, May 31, 2007

because something will happen.

saturday my mom was in the ER for vertigo.
monday hannah was in the ER for the allergic bug reaction.
yesterday i walked in my mom's back door and sue was tying a cord around her wrist and hand.

since all people round here are weird as i don't know what, although this seemed highly unusual- maybe sue was having girl scout knot tying flashbacks, or mom had read about some new carpal tunnel treatment in one of her magazines- i did not expect the answer to "what in the heck are you two doing now?" to be

"i just got bit by a copperhead snake."

um, freak out.

k8: "WHAT?!?!!! why are you calmly standing here? shouldn't you be going to the hospital? "

mother: "Well sue's putting a tourniquet on and then she's going to go get the snake so we can take it with us to be sure it's poisonous."

k8: "get it? GET IT?! GET IT?! what are you saying mom?"

mother: "i killed it after it bit me and it's in the flower bed."

sue sedately rinses a disposable gladware container and goes to retrieve the reptile and get her van.

k8:"mom stop walking around! you're pumping the venom around! sit down! good god woman! what's wrong with you?! why are you so calm?!"

mother: (calmly) "can you please get my insurance card out of my wallet. no, just give me my whole purse."

k8: (yelling wildly) "mother! a snake! a copperhead! what were you doing?! let me see! no, sit down. no, go outside and get ready to get in the van. no, sit down! go outside! hurry. don't go too fast or you'll spread the poison? how big was it? how did you kill it? does it hurt? here comes sue! go go go!! call me! "

turns out she was weeding in the flowerbed and must have disturbed the thing which although immature still got a healthy does of venom in her. nightmare. she had seen a snake in the flowerbed last week and ever since then we all had been walking around looking at the ground when we were outside. i am so paranoid over the slightest ground movement anyway- we live right on the edge of the woods. if a frog hops near my foot i scream. if a twig flips up on my foot i scream. now the terror is multiplied.

bc if there's one there's more. bc they lay eggs in nests. bc they will only get bigger as the summer goes by.

they dosed her with 6+ rounds antivenom and morphine and kept her in the ICU overnight for the treatment bc even though it's normally never fatal it can cause permanent tissue/ nerve damage if not treated correctly and immediately. she came home today and her hand is still big and it hurts up to her armpit.

see, you guys think i'm paranoid and freak out easily, which i don't deny. but now i have a new fear for the list.

and since that isn't enough, tonight every thing i saw on the ground was a snake. sue and bob were making fun of me. then i went out in my back driveway to get something and (i am not lying it was over a foot long) THIS ran out in front of me. i screamed and peed myself which at 9 months pregnant is not hard to do.

why today, oh lizard? when i have never seen you in my yard ever before, why did you pick today to do this to me, you big fat gross thing? i have not been able to eat since, which let me tell you, is an extreme rarity these days.

let me go now, and begin construction on the bubble suits for myself and my children.


Blogger Judy said...

For some odd reason, I'm having a hard time commenting!

Snakes = *shudder*

Lizards are cool, though. We have a brown one about 8 inches long (body - not including tail) that lives in our front flower bed. He is the COOLEST thing, although he is not invited inside!

Maybe these snakes and lizards are just God's way of preparing you for a little boy! :-)

10:03 PM


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