this week i am the horrible mother who uses vacation bible school as her babysitter. yes, instead of helping with it like i used to, i drop off the girls then run home and go to sleep for at least an hour. if i time travis's feeding right, i can sleep for 2 hours!

at our church they serve dinner before bible school too, at 5:30, so i also don't have to worry about feeding them before they go. and it's not over til 8:30.

i will ashamedly admit i have always had lots of judgemental non-Christian thoughts towards those parents who never help with bible school- who only appear to roll the kids out of the car, then again at the end to collect them. there are even some kids at bible school who are only seen during that week, then never appear again at church, even with follow up calls. i never understood how they could just blindly trust random people they don't know, even if they are "church people", with their kids.

not that my situation is exactly the same since my mom, dad, bob, and sue, are all at bible school too, but i can experience the feeling of thinking " a whole week! 3 whole hours every night! hooray! hooray!"

see, before travis arrived, when school was in, hannah and lily used to talk excitedly about how when summer was here and school was out, they could spend the night at mimi and pop's, or bob and sue's, any time they wanted! (during school i only let them stay friday night.) man they were excited! on a daily basis we would have a discussion like this

"when school's out i can spend the night any day? right mom?"
"yes, any day darling."

but now, the tables are turned. they have been attached with super strength anxiety/jealousy superglue to me all day and night and have refused to spend the night anywhere except WITH ME IN MY BED. when i say attached, i mean that for a large portion of the day they are either in my lap or they have their arms wrapped around my legs.

i have not tried to peel them off, even though my nerves are PLUCKED to the max between them, travis, and very little sleep. i don't want to do anything to traumatize them for life, so i have not forced them to go anywhere they don't want to go or spend the night anywhere they don't want to, so they have been with me just about all day every day. they have gone through so much change in the last year and i am sure this phase will pass so i have just been praying a lot and tolerating it. i keep telling myself that they will grow up so fast and i will one day long for the time they wanted to be in my lap or wrapped around my legs.

and finally last night, they asked to spend the night at my mom's. sure, she bribed them with story time at the library this morning, but hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. that's how i have time to blog all this- they're still at her house and travis is sleeping. needless to say i haven't had much time to type alot, not that my mind has been able to form multiple coherent sentences.

another thing i have been trying to do to make them feel more secure is to leave travis with my mom or bob and sue for a few hours at a time and give them time with just me- without travis crying or needing to be fed. (in case you don't know my mom lives next door and bob and sue live across the road, so it's not a long distance.)

(scott has been so good through all this, even when there are 2 four year olds in between us kicking him in the head as they toss and turn. ) sound sleepers that they are, they don't even budge when travis wakes up and screams for a feeding.

speaking of scott, you would never be able to tell this is his first kid. he isn't afraid to do anything - even poopy diaper patrol. he's very good with travis AND the girls- very hands on.

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recovery from this c section seems to be taking so much longer and is so much more painful. last time by this far out i was pain free. i am just now starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. i think it's the combination of being on my feet so much and the "getting my tubes tied" thing. i found out afterwards that the way my doctor does it is cutting a big section of the tubes completely out. yikes.

but are you ready for this one? right when i was feeling so completely unpregnate-able, we found out last week that scott's cousin who has 4 kids and got her tubes tied on her last one, is PREGNANT AGAIN 2 years later!

the travis alarm is going off now so i have to stop. if you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading my whiny long post and i promise i will try for new pix sometime in the next few days!

xok8