My mom was in the driver's seat so I have a witness.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tonight we were sitting at the Wendy's drive thru waiting to pay for our salads when this little guy in a Wendy's uniform came skulking up from the side real sneaky like and yelled at the girl inside taking the money. He was really strange acting. He flattened himself against the wall while he waited for her and he acted like we weren't sitting there in the car like 18 inches from him. When she stuck her head out, he swung this bag at her and she grabbed it and snatched it inside the money window. It was a clear plastic bag with 2 raw chickens inside. Then she just took our money like everything was normal. My mom and I looked at each other like, "Am I hallucinating or did he just give her 2 raw chickens?"

Since then I have been trying to imagine the events that prefaced the double raw chicken pass-off. I cannot.

Lost: My sanity
Sunday, February 26, 2006

In the picture below I may look semi normal but truth be told, it was just a fleeting moment of serendipity. I took it on the way to a friends' house for dinner with my mom- the setting sun was so bright I wanted to see what it looked like on my face. Plus I wanted to remember how I felt right then- happy and expecting fun.

Yesterday the girls were good in the morning then after their nap they did the paint poop on the wall thing again. Except this time there was more, it was stinkier, and grosser. I don't understand- they get so much attention all day long. By the time I discovered it, it had dried like glue on the walls and took multiple scrubbings to remove. And the smell takes like 72 hours to completely go away.

I looked it up on the internet and it says kids who do this need more sensory experiences like play doh and making bread? So I will try something like that today. I try to be a good mom, I really do, but lately it's getting crazy. I'm getting crazy.

This morning while eating her cereal Lily grabbed for something she wasn't supposed to have and turned over her entire new bowl of cereal w milk on the table and floor. I know it was an accident. But it's just one thing like that after another- some intentional like poop painting, some unintentional. I started crying, really. I was trying to about 4 things to get them ready on time and had to stop everything to clean this big slop up and fix a new bowl. The girls said "Stop it mommy, stop that please." (about me crying)

I'm off to get ready for church myself- hopefully I can find some sanity there.

(1/5 of poop paint mural) I think I see an angelfish swimming, do you?

ps i really do love my churrens, the little whippersnappers.
poopoo 012

pps this blog is like therapy for me.

ppps i'm with echo on this. is this thing on?? where is everybody? are they ignoring me cuz I haven't been to their blog in a few days? ??????
i'm trying to figure out why so few people leave comments when you can leave them anonymously if you want and u don't even have to put in a secret scrambled letter word. yikes and eek.

Friday, February 24, 2006


Thursday, February 23, 2006

Is it politically incorrect now to sing "Rock the Casbah?"
It's like my all time favorite to crank up and dance around to.

Q. What song do you break loose with when you're home alone?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

We now interrupt this blog for some complicated life to occur.
(presses pause)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I so have to not waste so much time on the daggon internet. So, let me write about it.
Please check out my new rippin revvin shiny red machine!!
Mama is so proud of her purchase today.

Also, Susie I think was wondering (on the last post) which is me in the pictures. HA! None of em baby.
But if you want to see what I look like, you can go to my 100 things page- I have pictures there. And here's an old one I just found on my computer too.P1010039

And one more- me without makeup -just lipstick...I can't believe I'm showing this to the world...

chimpmwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. supa-stah!

Monday, February 20, 2006

I am having a tranquil day today, you guys. I'm off work and the girls are (gasp) at the babysitter's house running in a herd with her 3 kids. They're gone until 4. Do you hear me???? Four OH clock.

I was going to upload the bday pics today but there are so many- I have to pick through them, crop em, etc. I think I'm going to order one of these
pre-made photo books like ofoto has If you know somewhere better let me in on it, please dear. So I decided to chill on that and just piddle around doing some stuff I have been meaning to do but can't when there are 4 monkey paws grabbing and asking, "What's dat mommy?"

Wow. btw it snowed especially for the girls' party- it started lightly in the morning, picked up just enough to turn the world into a twinkly wonderland, then tapered off and didn't stick to the road. It stopped about 3:30. You can kind of see the melted result in the background of the cake pictures below.

Ok- you twisted my arm. I will show you a couple of photos. Here're my newly turned 3 year old children outside before church Sunday. Bob and Sue got them this princess blowup for outside the entrance to the palace.

And here are some precious princesses...Hannah, Ava, Lily, and Lauren (my sister's best friend's cutie.)

This is a photo of the turning point at which the party went from being a sedate affair to a rippin roarin good ole time. All children gathered round for the eating of the cupcakes- everyone got to pick their color and dig in. It was a food frenzy any barracuda would have been proud of.

That above photo is more pre destruction. All cupcakes were consumed as adults circled like so many paparazzi. A couple minutes after and BAM! the sugar buzz kicked in and they started partying like it was 1999.

A few rogue sugar fueled toddlers formed a gang and went around terrorizing adults with their orchestrated "sneak up and blow the screaming horn that unrolls really long" at peoples' butts, then shrieking in glee at the adults' dramatic reaction.

Pure fun people, pure fun I tell ya.

Emerging from a pink icing fog.
Sunday, February 19, 2006

First of a couple of b-day sets- my sister makes the cakes.

The party was absolute smash! It couldn't have gone any better. There were 8 princesses and 2 princes in attendance. A good time was had by all.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Things are progressing rapidly here at Party HQ. I am franticly searching for all the stuff I have been buying here and there- plastic forks, napkins, plates, etc.
Here's what will be going in the favor bags:bday 017

I am so proud of myself for the bags...I edited a Princess graphic with each girl's name and then made them into stickers w my scrapbooking sticker machine. I got the bags 2 for a buck and the ribbons 4 for a buck.
The little bottle is Princess shampoo I got in sets of two and I love the little crowns on top!

I have been scouring America for anything Princess related. I hit the jackpot with the jewelry sets - they are like 8.99 at Walmart and I got em for 2 dollars each. Yes, it's a splurge but a small party as well. I think the kids will love it.

My mom is a master flower arranger and another idea I had was to make a big bouquet of greenery with the little balloons on sticks from ebay but this week they emailed me to say they couldn't get them anymore. So last night I was excited to find princessy wands at the dollar store. I bought some for my mom to use instead. I want it to look like a bouquet of roses except with wands. This picture's kind of blurry.
bday 013
Note: My mother saw this and wanted me to inform you that the greenery is not arranged yet.

Okay, off to the pink glitter trenches.

I hear the bomb, I mean clock ticking.
Thursday, February 16, 2006

The princess party is Saturday at 3pm. I have done approximately nothing bc when I get home my ankle and foot are throbbing.

Luckily Stacy and her amiga Jess will be here tomorrow night and we will have to do a cram sesion to get everything ready on time.

In unrelated news, one of my students told me today, "This class is the best class of all!" Another told me, "I wish I could fail 8th grade so you could be my teacher again."

That's good, I guess, except the failing part.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

..turn up the sound really loud!!!

Say cheeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssse.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day from Mama's little pageant babies!!!


"Jazz hands, girls, show me jazz hands!!"

The First Day Back After my "Break"...
Monday, February 13, 2006

...was like getting a slow, difficult double root canal with no anesthesia.

The part of every student brain containing a milliliter of Spanish knowledge was evidently sucked out by an alien substitute. I felt like the teacher on Ferris Bueller.

I yelled "Echo!" into the class from the front of the room and heard it reverberate back through the hollow openings in each teenage cranium.

Speaking of substitutes (Kurt, you will appreciate this one) the sub they gave me is this lady that is almost as tall as a miniature pony and who is a bit quirky. Let's just say that she likes wearing her old military uniform to work and leave it at that.

What I could understand of the notes went like this "First period was extremely (something illegible) murfled? and (something else) tankerivtous?" And so on and so on. So basically nothing was accomplished. Joy.

My students did act like they were glad to have me back which made me feel good. One class had made me a big ole card with hearts with their names and Get Well Soon in Spanish.


Sunday, February 12, 2006

never mind the fact that they have on outfits that completely clash- we were just chillin at home. this is their version of the abc's

You will probably think I'm a horrible mother and a terrible Christian, but I'll tell you anyway. I sent my kids to sunday school & church just to get them out of the house for 2 hours.

I obviously can't make it, and they love going, plus Bob and Sue live right across the street and come pick them up and bring them back. Well if you get technical I probably could make it , but I don't feel like it.

Really I was thinking...2 luxuriously FREE hours of alone time. Forgive me Lord.

THEN the real zinger is...they had just woken up and I was rushing like crazy and I forgot to feed them breakfast. However, there are at least 3 people at church each week that bring little zip lock bags of cereal or cookies in their purses for the monkeys specifically, so I know they will be eating. Something.

Wow, I feel much better having shared that with you. Please don't get mad at me.

ps it's snowing here.

pps did u see my new bday banner up there? echo totally rocks. if you want a new look, get wit her yo. her ad is on my sidebar.

Can we be completely honest here?
Friday, February 10, 2006

One of the most devastating results of my fall is that it will be practically forever until I can wear heels again.

I am obsessive compulsive re: matching specific shoes to specific outfits. Many times I have bought the shoes and kept them until I found the exact shirt or pants that matched. Most shoes I have go with 2 or 3 specific outfits. Almost all my shoes have heels of some sort.


A favorite pair of shoes I would like to be wearing today.

You probably think I sound like a spoiled brat. Or a princess. But I'm not.

I'm the Queen. The girls are the princesses.

I wonder if they will follow me with a hidden camera.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Not to be crude, but Workmen's Comp can go stick its big fat head in a potty.

Can u believe they freakin called me today and gave me static man? Yes. The lady called and told me they had to take a recorded statement about what happened. I agreed. Ha.

She thought she was gonna set me up to get deprived of my daggon doctor's bill payment. After she asked to describe what happened she asked me if there was any defect with the stairs. What she don't know is that I watch Law and Order enough to answer her "I'm not a stair expert so I'm not at liberty to make that judgment ma'am." Then she asked if I saw anything on either of the stairs as I was going down before I fell. I was like "Um, I don't individually inspect each step as I'm descending stairs so I can't answer that."

Well, did you see anything on them after you fell?
"Let's see, I was laying on the floor in agonizing pain so I reeeeaaaaaaaallly didn't take the time to inspect the stairs as I crawled back to them to pull myself up on the railing. Ma'am."
What kind of shoes were you wearing?
"The regular kind."
What is regular?
"Leather. That's what I regularly wear."
How was the tread on them?
"Um, black and rubbery."
No, were they worn down?
"What are you trying to say?"
Nothing, was the tread worn or new?
And so on and so on until she gave up. With that.

Then she says -well, it sounds like this will not be a compensable injury.
Well, it has to be an accident.
"Do you think I would throw myself down the stairs and rip the ligaments in my ankle for a free pair of crutches?"
No, but it has to fit the definition to be paid.
"What's the definition."
It's on the paper.
"What paper?"
The one they gave you.
The school.
They didn't give me anything.
Well they should have.
Well they didn't.

Then I had to get really mean and tell her politely that she was really making me mad. Not to be rude to her but did she know that I waited for OVER 4 HOURS in agonizing shooting pain worse then a C Section thinking my ankle might be broken bc they have a list of only certain doctors you're allowed to go to if you want workmen's comp to cover it. I fell at 11:30 and I had to wait to see the doctor at 3:30 which was the soonest. One told me to come the next day.

THEN she said well ok we'll pay for the first visit only.
I had to break it down Law and Order style for her.

She ended up telling me they would order the records and investigate and call the school to check the stairs.
I asked her if she thought that if there was something on the stairs yesterday, it would still be there when they investigated. How were they going to recreate the scene exactly as it happened?

No answer.
YEAH that's what I thought.

So, we'll see. I called the doctor's office and they said "Oh don't worry, it will be covered."

I mean I understand people try to like rip them off and stuff but come on.

Give me a break.
No, don't please. (groan)

Rockin da Ortho booty...
Tuesday, February 07, 2006

feb-6-06 003
feb-6-06 003,
originally uploaded by Monkey Mama.
Um, I fell down the stairs at work today and ripped the ligaments on the outside of my ankle. It really really hurts. My ankle is swollen, my toes are plumpified, and I have to use crutches and wear an orthopedic foot support doodad.

No bueno.

Drumroll please.
Monday, February 06, 2006

This year's party theme will be....

Disney Princesses!
Yes, keeping in line with all gender stereotypes, I decided we want the girls decided they want a princess party. I am now industriously, sometimes psychotically on a mission to ensure that this will be the best princess party in the history of the modern world. Ebay is my top resource but we have also gathered some goodies from Walmart. The challenge: make it awesome without breaking the pocketbook.

Stacy has just finished a cake decorating course & will be constructing
this beauty plus individual cupcakes with the princess theme.

Of course all attendees will be dressed in their princess attire. (or prince.)The girls get to re-use their supercool light up Cinderella dresses from Halloween.

Favor bags will rock- more details on that later.

Game- Pin the Tail on the Unicorn. You can only do so much with toddlers, really.

Quiz: What was last year's theme?- without cheating!

ps I am thinking about growing my hair out. How would that be? Or not.


pps have you given me your opinion yet re: the wheel thing? If not please scroll down and verbalize your feelings. gracias.

Was there a football game today or something?
Sunday, February 05, 2006

Well the non-computer Sunday thing was great for about 5 hours or so til Stacy called and demanded I check my email to give her an opinion viv-a-vis her football shaped cookie for their annual fiesta. It was all semi-downhill from there. But I got alot done which just goes to show you that the reason people without blogs and internet access are so clean and physically fit is they're bored out of their skulls and have nothing else to do. So sad.

Dude! I'm so getting the treadmill I was telling you about before- the computer and inclining one. Or was I telling that on my other blog? Anyways I am stoked fer sure cuz this baby is supposed to have all the bells and whistles.

If you have not opinionated re the tire thing, please scroll down and get in the game for crying out loud.

Something's wrong with this picture, buddy.

Okay so I decide that Sunday should be the computer free day so I will get something

But before I turn it off I must sit and blog to tell you that I'm not using the computer today.

Ay, the oxymoronity of it all.

Vote Early and Often
Friday, February 03, 2006

feb-2-06 004

Okay, tell me what to do. This here is a picture of the wheels on my mommy mini van- more specifically, a sporty Mercury Villager. The center caps, which I have removed, are idiotically manufactured of plastic, and the faux chrome paintjob has started peeling.

I had the bright idea to take them off and spray paint them silver, cuz replacement ones are waaaaaaaaaay to expensive. Even used. But they don't make the spray paint that sticks to plastic in silver. The only color that might, I say might, work, is black. (I did consider pink for a fleeting moment.) So, here is the dilemma.

Should I just shine up the wheel and leave them off, or spray them black and put them back on? Both options are straight up ghetto but something has to happen.

Buying a new vehicle is not one of the choices either.

Tell me, tell me now.

My comments are not working in certain browsers now, so right click talking bananas, choose open in new window, and leave a comment!!!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Here is one of my problems. I am horrible at multi tasking in my life. I have a horrible tendency to launch full throttle into something new and neglect almost everything else. Having kids has somewhat abaited this trait since they have to eat every so often and be bathed and played with regularly or they yell.

So what I do is like get obsessed with something and forget about other things I need to do. Not like specifically at one moment but like all day every day for however long until I get tired of the thing or find a new obsession. I know it doesn't sound possible really but that's how my brain works. Like if I start a new diet I will forget to do laundry for like a week. Yes I know- laundry is a pretty obvious thing and you would think that tripping over piles of clothes in my room would jog my memory, but no. It's just that all of a sudden I realize that I have nothing to wear.

Or like right now it's a few main things at the forefront of my brain and everything else is like, waaaaaaay back there. At the top of my mental Rolodex right now are:

  1. my diet
  2. my kids' birthday party
  3. my class
Not necessarily in that order- they rotate given the time and place.

(Oh yeah another reason I have been swamped these days is that I am taking a Master's Course in Educational Technology. We have a massive assignment due every Wednesday or Friday now. I forgot to tell you that I think.)

So I will obsess over the bday party til it's over, then something else will take its' place. Or when there's a class assignment due it's the only thing I can think about til I get it done. I think it's because I don't do alot of things, I do a few things to a psychotically perfectionist tee. Everything else may look like bomb blew up but the current "brainthing" will be of superior quality.

FOCUS k8 focus. May be I should make a list. OMgootness I'm becoming my mother.

Being an adult is highly overrated. Except the having kids part, that's cool.

The end.

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
Who's the Monkey Mama?

Location: Planet Twinstar, Monkeyville, United States

I'm a real live human person...the slightly wacky mom of 6 year old identical twin primate princesses and one 2year old monkeyboy. I'm divorced from a crazy baboon and remarried to a big snuggly gorilla. I thank God daily for my wonderful family and friends, without whom I would go berserk. My chirren are the cutest kids ever born (besides yours) and if you don't believe that you obviously need to see a shrink.

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