Happy B-day Meemers!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005

My mom who is known around here as Mimi, Meem, or Meemers, has a birthday tomorrow and she has demanded in advance that there be no surprises so of course, I must make sure there are as many as possible.

My mom is the best mom ever because:
Obviously her DNA is prime grade.
She keeps my kids and doesn't even take Valium.

She stayed home with us and read to us all the time. I think that's how I got so smart. (shut up.)

Also, she used to do alot of cool things like take us to go pick Queen Anne's Lace and then put food coloring in the water and put peanut butter on pinecones and roll them in birdseed and hang em up in a tree. Oh yeah and every year at Christmas we made sugar cookies and rolled them out and put red and green glitter sprinkles on them and silver balls for the eyes. Those are just three things out of a billion that make her so special and loving.

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you! Can I have a pony?
mimireads 003

Monday, November 28, 2005

No shocker that all my students were limp lifeless slugs today.

But I was too. I had gotten in the baaaad habit of sleeping in and did not go to bed early last night. This morning I almost fell asleep on the way to work and have been dragging all day. Since I'm so tired, instead of going to bed, I'm on the computer. (kicks self in buttocks)

No really I just got finished listing some more clothes on eBay and asking myself "Is this really worth all the trouble?" But the thing is, it's really weird how sometimes people will pay mega bucks for stuff I think is cruddy, and won't give up the bucks for the stuff that was expensive in the first place. Overall I think I know twins clothes go for more cuz it's harder to find 2 of the same size.

I put up our tree Friday night and the girls semi-shredded it Sat morning so I got them their own mini trees and plastic ornaments to decorate and undecorate and chunk around, and so far it has helped a little. Luckily, when purchasing decorations I got all unbreakable stuff for this very reason.
scrambleAfter re-decoration

Okay, that's all.


who me?
Mommy's Little Ornament Thrashers (trying to look innocent- who us??)

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Politically Incorrect, I know.
Sunday, November 27, 2005

But what are my children trying to tell me?? I promise this is how I found the magnetic refrigerator blocks today, no assistance from anyone. I need some (hopefully) positive interpretations.

Names changed to protect identity.
Thursday, November 24, 2005

What do you post about right after Thanksgiving that doesn't sound like what everybody else has posted?

"We had a lovely Thanksgiving. Aunt Sally made her famous pumpkin pie and Uncle Al did his zany Lawrence Welk impersonation. Boy, did we all eat alot! We have sooooooooooo many leftovers! It's gonna be turkey turkey turkey all weekend long! " and so on and so on and etc.

My family is LOUD! I know you can't imagine that, right? Anyway, you know, everybody was sitting around after dinner all gorged and tryptophan-ed up, with glazed over post Thanksgiving buffet eyes and I can't say it was really quiet but it was probably like a mild lull in the roar of conversation when
(I interject at this point to tell you that I have an alarm system that talks whenever you open a door or window and says like "Sensor 2, Back door OPEN" in a loud voice) my burglar alarm said, "Sensor 14, Bathroom window, OPEN." Well you know what was running through everybody's mind. We won't go into details here. But anyway...

...like 5 minutes later Relative X comes into the kitchen and says to me, "Sorry about your bathroom, I had to open the window," and I was like, "That was you? I thought it was like Dad or Uncle Jim" and everybody heard and started laughing and Relative X was all embarrassed and of course everyone who didn't hear was like "What's so funny?" and everybody was laughing their heads off.

Poor Relative X. He/she is now the subject of a family story that will go down in history and be repeated at every holiday gathering. "Hey Relative X, do you remember last year after dinner...?"

Sorry, it's just hilarious, in a Chevy Chase Christmas Vacation kind of way. Man, my family is illin'. I love it.

And now I'm telling you.

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Monkey Menu
Wednesday, November 23, 2005

To get the girls excited for Thanksgiving I have convinced them that we are throwing a Turkey Party tomorrow. They say "Tooky Potty, mommy?" I say, yeah girls, everybody's coming to your turkey party- we gotta clean this house up. So cute- "I hep you mommy, I hep mommy." They actually did help out today. Child labor- here we come. I can see the many possibilities of two small gofers with limitless energy.
Tookey Potty Menu Monkeyville Style
2 Big Tookeys
Spiral sliced honey ham
Scalloped oysters
Dumplings (from scratch, the flat rolled kind not the dropped kind)
Mashed Potatoes (real)
Green bean casserole
Fried apples
Stewed Tomatoes
Corn pudding
Baked pineapple
7 layer salad
Sweet potato souffle
Homemade Rolls- my mom's rolls are famous far and wide
Cranberry Sauce
Pecan Chocolate pies
Chocolate cake with raspberry filling
Pumpkin pies
Sweet Potato pies
Vanilla Ice Cream
Dream Whip

I just gained 2 lbs typing that btw.

I truly hope you all have a wonderiferul family day with lots of special blessings and memories made.


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Now I just need the body to match.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005

You have to do this. I saw it at Tee's.
You upload a picture of your face and it compares all the facial recognition points with a celebrity database and tells which celebrities you look the most like.
I entered this picture of myself.
The celebrity whose face matches mine closest is...Angelina Jolie???? Are you serious? I am totally not seeing that. But who am I to argue with forensic science?

The next closest match is Christina Ricci and I think I can see that one a liiiiitttle bit. Next is Cameron Diaz, and after that the one I think I can most agree with...Shirley Temple! (the child actress, not the old ambassador.)
Hey, I'm down with that. I love me some Shirley Temple movies. Heidi is my all-time fave.

Go ahead, do it.

But first go check out my cute little cakes.

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Turkey day...ahoy!
Sunday, November 20, 2005

First, a cute baby fix for you monkey maniacs. These dresses were presents for Christmas last year and they're size 24 months and the girls can just now wear them. The same children that look so precious and demure here not one hour later decided to run home from church across the field and skidded abruptly, leaving huge grass stains on the knees of their new cream tights that are supposed to last all winter.
goodonedreses2"Lemmee outta here so I can go wreak havoc!"
I can see over the horizon to Thursday here at Casa de Monkey and, my oh my, what a chaotic frenzy 'twil be! As of today we have 28 loverly turkey trotters arriving for Thanksgiving and we're still counting. The good thing is that I function superbly at the last minute and this is a great way to get my house clean for the holidays cuz as soon as I get up Friday I'm launching the Christmas frenzy starting with the tree.

Several readers have enquired about the fate/safety of Percy the Evil Cat. As you may recall, Percy, also known as the Feline of Doom (launch maniacal kitty laughter in background,) was a resident here in my Grandmom's house when I moved in and has proceeded to urinate on everything in sight and screechingly demand at least 6 dozen cans of Fancy Feast a day. To his dismay and continual irritance he is catapulted outside at every opportunity yet manages to find his way back in just as much. He is constantly underfoot and secretly gets a perverse pleasure out of tripping me at least once daily. Here he is, staking claim to a new basket by coating the lining with stinky furballs.
He is still available for adoption.


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Since I can't just shut up and move on with my life...
Saturday, November 19, 2005

...and several people asked to see the actual documents involved in this "man versus the machine" drama (see last post)
Click on the letter to see it better if you want to read it.


See, the thing is, with my luck, my kids will be raisin' cane that day and the pictures will look like crud on a stick. Then they'll be reeeeaallllllly sorry because my kids will be bratatrocious and they will have no choice but to bite ye olde bullet and kiss up big time.

Speaking of illness, why am I so crazily slash zanily obsessed with Christmas this year? I think it's bc A. My kids are old enough to get excited about it and B. My house is actually big enough for a tree and decorations this year. Tonight we went up to Lowe's to buy "the tree" that I absolutely had to have because once folks start shopping after Thanksgiving, the goot-uns will be gone daddy gone. More on that at a later time.

have a loverly weekend, wherever you are. we will be frrrrreeeeezing here in monkeyville.


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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

UPDATE: I got another phone call after I wrote this post. So if you have read it already, scroll to the bottom for details!!! If you haven't read it yet, what are you waitiing for?!

So anyway, about Sears Portrait Studio. I wanted to wait to tell you about this until I found out the end result.

I had made an appointment for Saturday at 6:30. They called me 2 times to verify my appointment and make sure I would be there on time. As you know, Monkeyville is in the middle of nowhere so this is the closest place to go, and it's an hour and 15 minutes or so away. I had timed the appointment according to the wildmonkey mood-ometer. I started getting the girls psyched up and prepared the day before. They were dressed so cute and in a wonderful mood. Bob and Sue went with us as monkey wranglers.

We got to Sears at 6:15 and there were 3 other groups waiting to get their pictures taken, not to mention that it was hot as blue blazes in up in there. There was ONE count her ONE girl working and she was running around like the proverbial chicken with no head and sweating like a pig. (I love barnyard similes, don't you?) She told me they were running a "little"behind schedule and there were 2 people in front of me.

"Give it to me straight," I said, "How long???" "An hour." she says. Dude. I was agitated. But okay, I came all this way, I would wait. She took my cell phone number so if it was less than an hour she would call and we walked the monkeys out into the mall. They had this playground thingy there so that was good and they burnt some energy climbing and running while their perfect clothes and hairdo starting lookin' wild and wooly, but hey, I was still okay.

We got no phone call and returned in an hour. There were MORE PEOPLE WAITING. Another girl was working then and she had a mega attitude issue. I explained what was going on and she told us there were now 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN FRONT OF US. What?! Yet, I remained calm. The other first chick came out and was calling last names for appointments and most hadn't even shown up. They had booked like 12 people for a 2 hour period of time.
monkey camera2
That was 7:30. We decided to walk around Sears for a while and we of course ended up purchasing some irresistible outfits on a 50% off sale. I went back up to the counter at 8:15 and asked again what was happening. This girl doesn't even look up and says to k8 "Siddown, we'll call you." (Oh no you dittent honey, you done gone and made k8 real real mad now)

I tried to explain to her politely that I had driven 1.5 hours, my kids were getting tired not to mention hungry, and I needed my daggon pictures taken. Alas, no dice. They couldn't do anything else and they couldn't call the store manager bc they're not owned by Sears, they're owned by another company who uses the Sears name. I left extremely agitated, and with the Customer Service number, which of course was on voicemail til Monday.

Fast forward to yesterday. First I called the 1-888 Customer Service hotline. I really tried not to sound like a ranting maniac and explained what had happened. She took my name and address and told me she forward my complaint to "Upper Level Management" which we all know means the Upper Level of the Trashcan. "Is that all????" I asked. They would send a coupon for one free portrait sheet with my next appointment. You must be kidding me. No, that was all she could do. She had no info about any regional or any other management to call bc "she is just an operator with no clue about that." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllrighty then. By the time I hung up I bound and determined to find out what was up with these people.

I called back directly to the scene of the crime to get another number and they wanted to offer me a coupon. A COUPON????? For one free 8X10. Because they couldn't help it- they were busy that day and for my information they were busy Sunday all day too so I'm not the only one who had to wait. (switch in k8's brain clicks on to maniac- on-a- mission mode)

I went on their website. On the last page in little letters was the name of the corporation who owns them. I went on a search and found the name address and phone number of their HQ in St Louis, Missouri as well as the name of their CEO. I found out they made like 245 million last year. I called and of course they have it set up so you can't get through to a real live human bean unless you know an extension number. I did however, have their fax number.

I typed up a nice, non aggressive complaint letter to Paul Rasmussen, the CEO of CPI Corp, and faxed it straight to him. My one friend was like "You're freakin nutso" and my other friend was like "They ain't never gonna do that." (I requested a personal call from the District Manager after she had spoken to the 2 employees involved, as well as a voucher for 100.00 worth of products. She told me if I got anything it would be like 25.00.) I requested a reply within 2 weeks.

Last night after I got the monks out of the tub the phone rang. It was my special new best friend, Tracy something, the regional supervisor, offering her profuse and heartfelt apologies on behalf of Sears Portrait Studios and begging my forgiveness. I did not make her grovel but I was impressed with her kissingup abilities nonetheless. She told me my 100.00 certificate was being mailed out tomorrow and she would like to reschedule me for any day any time with the promise that I would never have to wait there again and as soon as I got there I would be taken straight back to the studio.

Of course as soon as I got off the phone I had to call up my doubting friends and inform them- ha! But I really wasn't expecting any action that fast, to be truthful. It was a beautiful moment regardless. THE LITTLE MAN WINS! (crowd goes wild)

To sum it all up: 1. please don't tick me off 2. Sears has cute clothes for kids.

UPDATE: After I wrote this I got another phone call. Actually it was a voice mail on my cell phone. Guess who? Yep. Paul Rasmussen, the CEO man himself. He was calling to make sure I had been contacted and that everything had been resolved according to my wishes. He wants me to use Sears again and he guarantees I will have no problems. He also wanted to make sure I enjoy using my 100 buck voucher. Yesiree buddy...supersize enlargements... here I come!!

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What's loud and soft ?
Monday, November 14, 2005

I really shouldn't tell.

No, that would be cruel. It was the world's ugliest toy. A big pink plush radio shaped like a FOOTBALL??!! (Read the last post, kids.)

On a totally unrelated note, I spent all day Sunday in a fog. I could not wake up. It started Sat nite at like 3am when I was in the middle of a super deep REM sleep and I was yanked out of dreamland by Lily yelling "Mommy, I pooped! I pooped Mommy!" It took me forever to wake up out of the dream and make myself get up. While she fell back to sleep during the diaper change, my brain went haywire (shut up) and I was not just tired, but weirdly groggy all day long. What's up wit dat?

Now it's Monday morning at 6am and I'm still suffering.
Aunt Sue got one of those Ronco meat ovens. You know, "Set it........ and forget it!" She made dinner last night. Let me tell ya, that bad boy can rotisserize like nobody's beeswax. I highly recommend it for that special carnivore someone on your Christmas list. Plus it's cool to watch. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Come on, it's the world's best info-mercial, dudes.

By the way, Sears Portrait Studio is the Axis of Evil. More on that later.

I'm off to educate your future leaders.


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How did you know ????
Friday, November 11, 2005


I couldn't resist photographing this when I saw it. How do they know me so well? Are they watching me?

I took this picture tonight in the drugstore. Can you guess the product?

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

What is killing me slowly is all this code schtuff I have to type in now on most Blogger blogs to leave a comment. I mean, I love you and I will do it if I have to, and I understand why and all that, but MAN, it is a pain.

One fun thing about it is that lots of times the secret letters spell out words kind of like license plates that people make up. Today I had to type in geekzr and pkwakr which both made me snicker out loud.

I got one word for ya kiddos...HALOSCAN.

On an unrelated note, this made me guffaw out aloud when I came across it. Perhaps you will enjoy it as well, dear reader.

ps I just remembered I forgot to show you this.


The annoying salesman wanted 300 everloving dollars for the package so I just got the free one.

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Early birds get the worm...
Wednesday, November 09, 2005

...but who wants worms anyway?

I have almost all my Christmas shopping done. I got the girls this...have you seen it?

If you know someone who has it and loves it, please tell me. If you know someone who has it and hates it, please do not tell me about it, thankssssssss.
zzzzstarstation Read all about it.

I got it right they first put them out at Walmart, plus I got cartridges 1, 2, and 3 to go with it. How could I resist the idea of my precious monkmonks seeing themselves on TV, singing along, dancing, grabbing the microphone from each other, screaming shrilly as they wrestle over the cartridges, okay maybe I need an extra mike. But I can't find anywhere that sells just the extra microphone.

As I have mentioned, Uncle Bob and Aunt Sue spoil the kids tremendously. Last week they informed they got the girls this
vsmile (Vsmile Game and Cartridges)
and this

( DisneyPrincess TV) to plug it into for Christmas. And really I'm sure they've just started.

So as far as I'm concerned, that's enough. Oh yeah and my mom bought them and Ava (my sister's kid) all Cabbage Patch Kids a while back bc they were on clearance at Walmart and she's been buying them all stuff throughout the year.

When I was little we would each get one main present and a few little ones, some clothes, and our stocking stuffers. My favorite Christmas present ever was one of those old school rectangular black cassette players- you know, the flat kind. Oh yeah and a big stuffed Garfield.

What are you getting your peeps?
A. Shut up it's not Thanksgiving yet.
B. Christmas is soooooooo commercial now.
C. I'm getting them___________.
D. A and B
E. A and C
F. B and C
G. All of the above

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Happy Tuesday to Me.
Mommy's new toy arrived today.

(Added Wednesday for Judy :) ) I decided on this one for several reasons. My mom, dad, and I have all had different digital cameras. I've been looking for a new one for a while and reading reviews. I definitely wanted at least 6 megapixels or more, but I'm cheap so there was no way I was spending over like 300.00. Here's a link to the specs.

Last week on QVC (shut up I watch it) they had this camera as the Today's Special Value for 299.99. They also had it on EasyPay which is where they take 5 installments of 60.00 out of your checking with no interest, which is awesome for me. Since it was one I had been thinking about getting and the price was okay, I decided to go ahead with it cuz I want it for the holidays.

My mom has the model like this but it's like 4 megapixels, I think, so I've used it alot. It's also small so it's great for my purse. I like the big display monitor too.

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Sunday, November 06, 2005

It's weird for me to write about my ex husband, mainly because I know my parents, sister, brother, and other family read this daily and they have feelings for him that range from mild disdain to extreme, um, I won't say hatred, but extremely negative protective feelings. If it were all anonymous, or like people I don't see everyday, or blogfriends, that would be one thing. But writing about him here is risky bc just the mention of his name around these parts causes hackles to go up.

He has put us all through so much stuff the last few years. I got it directly but we all had to deal with its' direct and indirect effects, especially my mom and dad. Without going into too much detail, he's been on and off the map, and I have gone for weeks even months without knowing if he was even alive, both when we were still married and now that we've been divorced a year.
If my kids weren't involved, it would alot easier for me not to care where he was and what he was doing. But he is the father of my monkeys.

Having known so many people who came from dysfunctional families, I have seen over and over what it's like to grow up with no dad.(Not that my kids have no dad per se- they consider my dad whom they call Poppy as their father figure.) The other argument is, a cruddy dad is worse than no dad so it's better just to 100% wash your hands of him. I have heard both these points of view from different people and have (perhaps temporarily) formed my own. That is why when he called Friday after 4 months of no contact at all, and wanted to come today, I said yes.

I am always here so the visits are supervised by me. My main thing is that they're getting to the age where they know and remember people and while I want him to see them, I will not let him put them through any drama with all the saying he's coming and not showing up stuff. He was supposed to be here at 10 today and got here at about 11:45, which to him is no big deal.

He looks healthwise, better than he has in a long time. He is allegedly working now and getting his own place, and allegedly is no longer with the female he has been with since a few months after he moved out. He actually gave me money too, which was shocking.

You see, I just don't want to be the type who cuts off my kids completely from their dad and then when they get older, they get resentful bc I did that. But on the other hand I told him today- if you say you're coming, you need to show up on time, and come on a regular basis bc they know who he is and will probably eventually start asking. Causing my precious poopsies any heartbreak or sadness is a fast way to get erased from the whole picture. And I told him that.

I really do hope, for my daughters' sake, that he continues on this upward trend and really starts to try and get semi normal, anyway. I want them to have a stable father, not one who pops in and out randomly. Or at the minimum one who can give the appearance of stability.

I have no idea what is around the corner with his situation knowing him very well. He could decide to get up and leave and go anywhere at any given moment cuz that's his personality- the personality I used to love that now seems irresponsible. It's probably all hopeandfluffstuff that he will get it together and be a stable person. I just don't know if he's even capable. Whatever the case, my only priority is my children's welfare.

Please pray for him, seriously, because he needs to get himself back on the straight and narrow. Pray too that he will be convicted as a father to be more responsible for himself and as an end result of that, for his kids.

btw, the visit went well. the girls had a great time. he hasn't seen them since they starting talking up a storm so it was weird for him to hear them bossing him around, tattling, and throwing hissy fits. HA! welcome to my world, suckah.

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Saturday, November 05, 2005

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Thursday, November 03, 2005


My back porch is full of apples from our church Apple Festival. (Golden Delicious and Granny Smith) I wish you could smell my house right now. Try putting your nose up to the screen.

Why the Latest Fashion Trends Sound Like a Bomb Dropping in the Dressing Room...
Tuesday, November 01, 2005

(I inherited broad shoulders from my father's side of the family tree.)

k8 tries on: a brown sweater with artificial mink collar
k8 looks like: a Mongolian invader preparing to attack the scattering Chinese peasants

k8 tries on: a two piece set-tank top and front tie shrug
k8 look like: a linebacker (first string, NFL)

k8 tries on: a wrap nordic pattern sweater
k8 looks like: a Russian fieldhand named Olga

k8 tries on: a multicolored horizontal striped turtleneck sweater
k8 looks like: um, horizontal stripes- no further description necessary

k8 tries on: approximately 13 tops for work
k8 buys: one top for work, 2 pink casual shirts (different styles and shades)

After much internal debate, we did Halloween. Not really- no trick or treating, just a church party thing. Prepare yourself for the cuteness.
starry princesses
Aunt Sue and Uncle Bob wanted to get their costumes, so how could I argue, really?
They were Cinderella- the special edition dress with the twinkling skirt-and Aunt Sue decorated their bike carrier as the pumpkin coach with battery operated lights and all. Uncle Bob dressed up as the coachman with white wig, top hat, tails, etc. When they arrived at the ball, he entered first and read a proclamation from a scroll announcing the arrival of Princess Lily Joy and Princess Hannah Grace.

Can you even stand it?

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Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
Who's the Monkey Mama?

Location: Planet Twinstar, Monkeyville, United States

I'm a real live human person...the slightly wacky mom of 6 year old identical twin primate princesses and one 2year old monkeyboy. I'm divorced from a crazy baboon and remarried to a big snuggly gorilla. I thank God daily for my wonderful family and friends, without whom I would go berserk. My chirren are the cutest kids ever born (besides yours) and if you don't believe that you obviously need to see a shrink.

How is she feeling?

The Monkey Mama's imood is
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)

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Contact me, the monkey mama. two_wild_monkeysatya hoo.com

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