What appeared to be a passing virus has established itself nicely now. The mammals have been whining and slinking around the house in a agitating fashion since the last update. They are consuming very little food, just drinking, and wanting to be held 24/7. Fevers, snotty noses, coughs.

In a generous motion of kindness, God made school two hours late today and my mom let me sleep until 9am.

Send reinforcements ASAP.

Over.

Since Saturday morning, I have had 2 small children attached to my body as if we were in an extreme symbiotic relationship of the parasitic variety, me being the cling-ee, and them being the cling-ers.

If they were not in direct physical contact with me, they were screaming my name.

These are the times that test our parental souls, I tell you. If these 2 mammals had not been grown in my uterus, I would most likely be institutionalized at this very moment.

The weekend started off great, super! actually, with a couple of friends from work coming over and chilling til the wee hours. Saturday morning, the chirrens started with the octupus behavior, mild at first, then growing stronger. We went to get their pics taken late Sat. afternoon, and by that time I could tell something was not right with Hannah. In the middle of the night she woke up with a high fever and I had to put her in my bed. Of course Lily didn't feel well either in the a.m. and we had stayed home from church.

If you haven't been around sick toddlers, this may sound so bad, but when it's just them and you and every time you to try to make a move they are literally under you or screaming to be picked up, it gets a liiiiiiiiiiiitttle old. Plus being sick makes them whiny and every time one touches the other they scream and tattle. I couldn't even use the computer for 5 minutes without them pulling on me.

This morning on the way to work I felt guilty because I felt so FREE! FREE! FREE! and there were NO CHILDREN screaming MAMAMAMMAMA mommy mommy mommy Mom mom mom mom mom ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma.

Okay I have to go call and check on them and talk to them now.


Do I need therapy?

When you look at the movie, do you see a website name? That's your top secret undercover clue on the video thing.

I lost 8 pounds this week.

Susie tagged me with this totally bizarre meme and I read it earlier but I'm too lazy to look it up again so I will be a slacker and post what I remember from it...

weirdest habit...i am constantly spraying this Pure Citrus orange stuff around my house. it's all natural - made from oil out of orange peels and it smells like you just peeled an orange. i am obsessed with citrus- it's my fave-o-rite smell. second place smell goes to anything that smells like baked goods.

longest facial hair sprouting..has to be my eyebrows. i'm constantly picking and trimming and tweezing them.

earliest memory...when i was at preschool and they told us not to use this certain wooden seesaw bc it was coming apart and i ignored them and got on it and slid down it and got a big splinter jammed in my buttcheek and they couldn't hold me down so they called my dad to restrain me and they played my favorite record Thumbelina (which was the cool read along kind where tinkerbell waves her wand and you turn the page) while they were digging it out of my butt and I was screaming.

ok perhaps that's enough sharing for one evening.

xok8

ps aw man have u seen this video. ??

ashes ashes- we all fall down!

Please note: The following post does not condone shooting people unless they are threatening you. I tell it for sheer amusement value. So if you are against the right to keep and arm bears, you better stop now. I know crime is serious, does not pay, yada yada.



Monkeyville has always been the kind of town where you could leave your back door unlocked and not worry about it. Lately there has been this roaming gang of thugs who are highschool dropouts breaking into cars and they have a gun and stuff. Long long long story short they are forming a neighborhood watch group thingy. They had the first meeting tonight. I went for the sheer amusement factor + nosiness + curiosity. The county Sheriff's office had three officers there to inform us of the measures we need to take to secure our little 'ville.

The lady organizing it introduced them and gave the rundown and after they had given their little speech they asked if there were any questions. Just when I thought the evening would be without excitement and I had wasted my babysitting money for nuttin, this old guy says, "So if someone is breaking in my car, can I shoot 'em?" Yes! Finally some tittering from the crowd. I knew these good ole Southern folks would wanna blast em.

The one sheriff guy said no, you can't shoot em. Not even if they are in your house unless they're getting ready to harm you. Not unless your life is in immediate danger! Not even if they are walking out the door with your TV!

Ay the travesty!!! Uproars of protest rose from the group from the gathered citizens. He adds "Not even if they're holding a knife and, and, and, and....." He trailed off trying to think of something to end the statement.

"CUTTING A HAM????" I yelled.

The crowd goes wild. Now we're getting somewhere.

"Oh no... if they come on mah house they ain't gettin out
buddy."
"Ha! You think i ain't dee-fendin my
property mister."
"Whipper snappers!"
"Thugs!"
"Punks!"

An emotional man stands up and gives an address Patrick Henry would be proud of. Some key declarations:
"...I'm gonna send em to see their Creator and not the way they wanna go neither!"
"Their rights end where mine begin and mine start right at my threshold!"
"If a guy comes in my house he's coming in to harm me and lemme tell you, I will pro-tect my family by any means necessary."

The bleeding heart speaks up and gets verbally beat down.
"Where are the resources to get these kids involved in something enriching and challenging? Where are the jobs for our young people?"

"Eeeeeeh, shut up ya softy!" (not really but you get the idea) Overall, a good meeting. We got alot accomplished. I volunteered. More on this when I get my beret.

I was tagged by Tee, the cute milk woman.

4 Jobs You Have Had in Your Life
Candy maker
Audiologist
Translator
Daycare Director

4 Movies You Would Watch Over and Over
The Color Purple
Dirty Dancing (Nobody puts Baby in a corner.)
The Princess Bride
A Christmas Story

4 Places You Have Lived
Monkeyville
Salamanca, Spain
Williamsburg,Virginia
Newport News, Virginia

4 TV Shows You Love to Watch
Law and Order
Law and Order SVU
Law and Order Criminal Intent
Reruns of Law and Order on TNT with Jerry Orbach, Baby's dad from Dirty Dancing. (see above.)

4 Places You Have Been on Vacation
Cancun,Mexico
NYC
Hershey, Pennsylvania
Nashville, TN

4 Websites You Visit Daily
yahoo.com
blogger.com
thedrudgereport.com
ebay.com

4 Favorite Foods (um, this is torture right now)
Pizza Hut Pan Pizza with extra sauce and cheese
McDonald's Cheeseburger Happy meal
Ribeye steak
My mom's homemade rolls

4 Places You Would Rather Be Right Now
Nowhere I can think of.
Now that's happiness.
I love my house.
But if it were hot and sunny that would be nice.

4 People You Tag to Complete This
Renee
Judy
Bev
Susie

ps oh yeah if you missed it scroll down to see the monkey movie.

pps my comments are gettin' wacky again. to open them right click talking bananas and choose open.

i sound like a big whiner in this video bc it was first thing in the morning and my throat hurt so I was trying to talk without moving my lips, and my nose was clogged.

barbie toothbrushes!

Today we will have a glimpse into the Casa de Monkey and view the windowsills over my kitchen sink, from which I can view my lover-ly backyard full of big ole boxwood bushes. There are two sides. Click pics to biggie size and see notes.

Left



Right



As I was standing at the sink tonight I thought, "Would a person who doesn't know me think these items are weird?"

I am so so so sorry that I didn't go to your blog yesterday. I normally visit on my lunch and yesterday and every day for the next 5 school days they are supposedly shutting off the internet bc of online semester testing. Bummer. However, they have not yet turned it off today so...

I have been wondering- how did Lily get a Jersey accent? Lately when she says stuff like off, ball, coffee, dog- she says it with a Yankee cab driver accent. Yikes.

While these may appear to be a set of juvenile asylum escapees and their pet baboon Pepe, in truth, they are my 2 children who refuse to potty train on a regular basis and have found many alternate uses for the big girl undies Santa brought them.

Here, they use them as turban hair wraps after the bath.





In case you didn't know, you can also put them on over your pullups, then put a baby or stuffed animal in your front pouch and jump around like a mama kangaroo yelling "boing boing boing."

(Nutrisystem update here.)

Dude, have you seen all the new year's Nutrisystem commercials? Well I told the chicks over at our group weight loss blog that Tee made that I'm going on it and so're my Mom and Dad. I've received the verbal abuse from proponents of the other diet systems out there- most predominantly Weight Watchers. My sister did awesome with that last year.

But see here's the thing. I need, reallllly need something to get me jump started and right now is not the time of my life that I can focus on all that type stuff like weighing chopping counting points and all that. This is where Nutrisystem comes into play. All their stuff is premade- you get a month's worth of breakfast, lunches, snacks ,dinners, and desserts shipped to your lovely home and all you do is follow the directions and stuff. Nope, it's not realistic to say that I will adhere 100% to this plan bc a girl needs her chocolate every now and then but I will do my darndittydarndest to start exercising, following the regime, and see what happens.
I know I can't stay on it forever and I have to relearn portion sizes, but I like the whole "already cooked" idea. Plus since my mom and dad are doing it too, we will all be cheering each other on to victory.

You add in your own dairy, vegetables, and fruits with the daily schedule so it's not all processed foods. I was worried the servings would be microscopic but my first shipment came in a case the size of a small coffin. Upon opening the box and examining the contents I found boxes and boxes of foods, all labelled nice and clear for you. Do not eat the dinner one for lunch or an alarm might go off, I've heard.
Yeah RIGHT. Let's check it out:


Click to biggify and see notes- click this to see the set and see inside other boxes.

Tomorrow is the big D Day when we'll see if this thang is do-able or not. Also on the list- drink water and exercise. Hmmmm, how many calories does each keystroke on a computer take off?

I will keep most of my weight related musings over on that weigh loss blog unless something comes up about which I cannot resist informing you here. I dont wanna bore you with entries like-" Swam two laps, lost breath intermittently, did 10 lunges and 3 squats- man my thighs were burnin'!"

It's back to the real world tomorrow kiddos- let's see what happens...when all is said and done 1 person will definitely lose weight from this program- the UPS man- cuz man them is some craaazy heavy boxes.

Guess where I am?
No, wrong.
No, wrong.
Noooooooooo WRONG!

Here's a clue.



It's the Baby Starlet Ava E ! I'm on a mini-vacation over at her casa since I have off today.

When my sister and I were deciding what we wanted each other's kids to call us, I decided that we should have cool country club aunt names like Fifi and Buffy. So, we have taught my kids to call her Taytay and Ava to call me Kiki. Yes, I know it's a liiiiiiiiiittle bit wacky but you know how we roll dawgs.

Speaking of wacky, here's how they get some excitement going around here- Ava gets in the office chair and one of them pushes her in it and they try to "get" the dog. Ava screams with excitement and Torydog bounces around like she's on springs and barks intermittently "More! More!"


These crazy kids.

ps i'm a loser- i only got 17 comments on the De-Lurker thing. you know what, that's fine. JUST FINE.

i totally understand that it's difficult for you to express your love for me in words. and that's okay.

When participating in any sport-type activities, the wild monkeys always attempt to maintain their feminine identities.

Here we see Lily on the left, wearing a baby bonnet type head accessory with her Sleeping Beauty top and ballerina skirt for an elegant ensemble. Hannah opts for a calf length taffeta gown with sequin details, accessorizing with a trendy handknit lavender pompom hat.



Fashion, feminity, and full fledged unbridled athletic force...that's what we're all about, people.

FYI: IF YOU KNOW WHERE MY OTHER LIFESTORY BLOG IS I AM HAPPY TO INFORM YOU THAT AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS I FINALLY FINISHED.
















Really I didn't. Who knew that this is National De-lurking Week? Well, why didn't you tell me?

"I shouldn't post about this because no one will comment and then then everyone will know the truth," the little voice in my head said. (She talks in a voice like Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls.)

What does this mean exactly? Here you have a concise definition. But really, I don't think lurking is bad unless you're like copying a picture of the person's face off their website and printing it lifesize and paying someone to wear it as a mask and hold a rose in their teeth while you tango with them.

Sooooooooooooo, come on. Admit you like me, or you don't like me but find me sickly fascinating. You can even do it anonymously. The first 20 commenters will receive a lifesize glossy mask of my face with the stretchy elastic already attached to hold it on.

Ole' !!!!

One of my bestest friends in the world is this wacky chick I've never even met in person. Her name is Christi.


She lives in South Carolina and owns 2 of the 4 cutest kids on the planet. We started our blogs about the same time and found that we both needed professional help and lots of chocolate.

Before our schedules got wacked out we used to party all nite on Yahoo Instant Messenger and stalk people like we did Kurt that one time. Man, those were the good ole days. We talk on the telefono, like real live peoples, and we send each other love letters thru the United States Postal Service. In addition, we have betrothed my girls to her son TJ when he gets old enough to decide which he wants. One day, like this year fer sure we will meet in person and music will play and everything will get slow motion and fuzzy and we will suddenly be in a field of flowers and we will run into each others' arms and vow to never be apart again...until one of our kids starts screaming.

Well, at Christmas time she sent me this awesome package of monkey themed goodies- it is a veritable treasure trove of chimpy merchandise. I have been doling the things out little by little as bribes to my kids. My 2 fave things in the package are highlighted w arrows below.

In case you can't tell, the pink arrow is pointing towards a monkey photo album thingy and the pink arrow is pointing to a Walmart Receipt.

The picture book is cool for obvious reasons-fuzzy, blue, monkey on front- but the Walmart receipt is my total fave bc I know she didn't accidentally put it in there- she wanted me to feel like I was a part of her life- like I was experiencing shopping with her at Walmart. Thank you, Christi. That is so special, and something I will always cherish.

The bad thing is, she busted her cover bc although she tries to write her blog posts like she is sooooooo busy, when we zoom in on the receipt, we get clues as to what she is really doing with her time. I had a suspicion that she drops the kids off at a babysitter and lazes around all day. Now, I know for certain.


Shaaaaaaaaaaame on you Christi.
"Shame!" I say again.

Thought you could trick me did ya?


ps anyone who wants to is free to steal the sanctity of life button over on the side. the link is really cool.

Last week Billy*was talking about not letting your emotions rule you. One of the benefits I have gotten from being an active student of the big JC is an increase in my ability to tolerate alot more verbal crud from other humans without either a. having thoughts of rebutting verbally and/or physically or b. actually rebutting verbally in a confrontational manner. As "they" say- I am manifesting more Fruit of the Spirit.

Lately, however, I have been running short in just about all fruit bins, and yesterday I almost had to beat someone with a big pineapple. After church I had this great plan to pack 5 adults and the monkeys in Bob and Sue's minivan and drive to the nearest mall which is about 1 hour 15 minutes away bc they have a really cool new toddler play area there that the girls love. And they needed to let out some steam with all the bad weather lately. It's a big open rectangular area with padded benches all around and just one place to enter and exit and the theme is the farm- there's big chickens and tractors and corn and stuff like that for young mammals to climb slide jump and generally frolic upon. The floor has a really thick padding too. And there's a big sign outside that says TODDLERS ONLY- NO FOOD OR DRINK- PLEASE LEAVE STROLLERS OUTSIDE. They have a height measurer thingy too and the kids are supposed be that height or shorter to play.

Needless to say there is open disregard for all these rules cuz there is no one there monitoring the area. The few other times we have been there have been a few bigger kids but nothing major. We had been there about 35 minutes yesterday when this entourage of idiocy entered. There was a mom- cell phone on ear, 2 teenage girls- one w a girlfriend and one with a boyfriend whom we would shortly learn was named "The Tongue," one female child about 6 inches over the height limit, and a male child who looked about 12-13 and was very husky. All were carrying biggie sized sodas and pretzels from Auntie Anne's.

They sprawled themselves out and both of these children proceeded to take off their shoes to play. Sue and I looked at each other like "Oh my gootness no she is NOT gonna let that boy play in here." But off he went, flinging himself wildly on top of the play structures and rolling off like a soldier, running berserkedly around, play fighting his sister, and generally being a big rough older boy who several times clipped some of the younger toddlers who were playing. Lucky for him he did not touch my churrens.

Meanwhile, the mating teenagers proceeded to dry hump just feet away from the mother who never removed the cell from her ear. The girl was sitting straddled across the boy and he was frantically groping her while periodically jamming his tongue down her throat to touch her tonsils.

Once again Sue and I looked at each other, rolling our eyes. In a kid's play area? Come on.
The big boy was getting wilder and wilder and the whole scene was not looking good. There was an aura of tension as all the other parents kind of looked at each other as if to say- he shouldn't be here but we're too wimpy to say anything.

Sue said "Hey- look!" A mall security guard was walking by- he had a striking similarity to Orville Redenbacher when he did commercials- both in age and demeanor. "HEY!" I screamed at him. He came over. I asked him who was supposed to regulate the play area bc there were quite a few older kids playing rough and somebody was gonna get hurt.




He looked around and of course the big boy stood out like a sore thumb, even thought there were like 5 other kids who shouldn't have been in there. He asked the mom to have the boy come stand by the height measurer. The boy starting crying like a big baby and ran and got up under his mom's arm. The mom finally got off the cell phone.

The boy sat there and weeped a while longer and his mom consoled him with soda and pretzel bites. Of course then, you know she had to start talking trash real loud so I could hear. I was thinking, "Please Jesus, restrain my mouth cuz I'm gonna have to go ballistic up in he-ah." I tried to focus on watching the girls and she kept on making comments and had to call someone and tell them what had just happened.

The little sister came up and asked why her brother couldn't play anymore and the mom answered loudly, "Because THAT lady is not nice, honey" and a bunch of other malarkey type caca intended to tick me off. Which of course it did.

What would have happened next if I did not have such treeeee- mendous self control given by the Holy Spirit:




(slightly exaggerated) that's me in the red


What really happened: I ignored her and we left and her son probably started playing again.

On one hand, I'm glad I didn't say or do anything directly to her bc about 10 years ago in that same situation I totally would have confronted her as soon as they entered and been arguing with her, at the minimum. On the other hand, in my mind I was thinking of a good dozen things I could say in retort to her big smart mouth comments.

I definitely need fertilizer for my fruit tree.

But then again, I think- was I wrong 100%? bc her kid cried and I don't want a kid to cry bc of me, no matter how bratty he is. See, there I go being sassy again. But I didn't want my kids getting hurt.

Tell me what you think. Really. Be honest. No, seriously. I promise I won't put you in a headlock,


*a new blog I have started reading- great writing and awesome photography btw

Another Saturday night and another lovely evening in front of my trusty computer monitor.

Today sucked- the chimpies woke up much earlier than I thought they would and started yelling. They know I like to ignore them for as long as possible if I'm still in bed, so they lay down and yell as loud as they can through the bottom of the door where the gap is "mMMAAAAAAAAAAAA! I wanchuuuu MAAAAAA! gemeeeoutaaaaaaaheaw mommy! i'm awake now mooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmy. come git me maaaa." Oh lawd. So since I was rudely awakededed by these, I was stupified all day with fatigue.

Last night I actually went out of my house with humans that were not related to me and are of my age group. We went to a cool Irish pubby type place and I interacted freely with other like minded humans. Course, this being the boonies and all, you know you're gonna see at least 10 people you know and want to see or better yet don't want to see and that's always lovely.

At this cool new pub they have Woodchuck Cider on tap. That's one of my fave beverages and on tap makes it even bettah. An acoustic guitar dude was the live entertainment and he was playing like mostly 60's & 70's stuff like James Taylor, Simon and Garfunkel, lots of cool mellow tunes, man.

I did nothing today. A wasted Saturday. I am in a funk/ depression type thing. I will psychoanalyze myself and tell you that it's like a post-holiday thing combined with it being the first Christmas ever without my Grandmom, in conjunction with having no money and being fat as a house from eating too much at Christmas. See, don't you feel better about yourself already? AND on top of all that the weather here is dreary- freezing cold, cloudy, rainy off and on- that's how it's been for 2 weeks now.

I have the song "Love Will Turn You Around" from that Kenny Rogers movie Six Pack on repeat on my iPod. Does anyone but me remember that movie? Kenny was a hot race car driver. Man that was a long time ago.

I'm boring. I'm bored. Now you are too. I told you not to read this.


Pic for my sister...


Do you ever wish time had a rewind button, not to do things over, but just to go back and be in a minute or hour of your life that you remember with much fondness and relive it one more time to get that happiness and joy back. Even if you couldn't relive it, if you could just watch from the sidelines, that would be nice too. I know what "they" say to that proposition- it's never as great as you remember it. But I'd still like to try anyway.

ok that's all.

xok8

I have been tagged for a meme. By Jennifer. I must be popular again bc I haven't been tagged for a meme in a long time. (I say again like I once was popular.)

"The first player of this game starts with the topic five weird habits of yourself and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals."

I'm so weird that it's' hard to narrow it down to just 5 things but let's see...

The first thing that comes to mind is that I cannot stand pantyhose or socks of any species. Especially the pantyhose. Groty to the max! They're so constrictive- like two big squeezing pythons wrapped around your legs. As far as the socks go, I will not wear them unless I have to to put on sneakers to exercise. And sometimes not even then. I probably don't own even 6 pairs of socks total. If I do have to wear them, they can only be the ankle booty kind.

(i said booty)

Another weird thing about me is that I only drink milk if it has ice in it.

I use extra vanilla extract in everything I cook that has vanilla in it. I like dump it in and don't even measure it. Cuz vanilla is my favorite flavah.

I totally must have a dryer sheet in my laundry or I don't like it. But the weird thing is, I use the fragrance free ones, so what's up with that???????????

I can't go to sleep unless I have my 2 favorite pillows. Their names are Mr. Worm and Mr. Tuffy. (shut up.) Mr Worm is a U shaped body pillow I got when I was preggo bc my back was so bad I couldn't sleep and then Mr Worm came on the scene and made everything A-OK. Mr Tuffy is a regular shaped pillow but he's extra tufffff. As in heavy and firm. I can't remember life without him. He goes under the top of Mr. Worm. One of the times I had to go in the hospital when I was pregnant, my mom told the nurse "My daughter can't sleep unless she's laying on Mr. Worm," then when the nurse looked at her weird, she had to explain really fast.

Alrighty now that was just too much information for you wasn't it? Good.

Now I get to tag 5 peeples. Hmmmm, weird----------let's see: I pick Just a Mom,
Christi, Michael, Lalagirl, and Tee. And Geannie. That's 6. Oh well, I know so many weird people. You (lovable) wackos.

(My comments won't open in some browsers now so if you click and nothing happens, right click the talking bananas link and choose open in new window.)

me,
originally uploaded by Monkey Mama.

click to bigify and see note.

I got one of these ZoomAlbum kits from Michael's Crafts on clearance last week. I really thought it looked too complicated but since it was so cheap and looked cute I went with it. Man, they are precious and super easy to figure out. I hope my sister remembered to go get me some more before they're gone. (cough, cough) Here's a Christmas one I did. (Click to bigify.)



_______________________________
Hannah and Lily got play washing machines for a late Christmas gift and they are really cool. They come with laundry detergent boxes, hangers, clothes, and they have real buttons that make the toy make noises like filling with water, washing, rinsing, etc. And they spin like crazy too! (They're the really nice front loading kind.) Here, Hannah gets excited over the wash process, while Lily wanders off to get her nightly pedicure and facial.



"YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

Note Christmas Carnage all around, and yes, my tree is still up. It's the only thing I have left and I'm procrastinating because I love it so.

Another note: The kids have redeye bc I'm trying to not spend so much time blogging and I usually crop and fix the pix before I post but that takes extra time.

I am so in denial that I go back to work tomorrow. I'm not going. No. No. No.



Crud. I'm going.


Let's end with a random dose of cutiticity (I just made that word up, do you like it?)



xok8



(My comments won't open in some browsers now so if you click and nothing happens, right click the talking bananas link and choose open in new window.)

Can you believe that as witty and popular as I am, I have been sitting here at my computer since like 12:05 after watching Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year?

I'm joking but I'm serious.

I am blessed to have 2 beautiful/sometimes annoying children to be here with. I am blessed to have a roof over my head and money in my bank account. But still, I whine.

The biggest thrill of my day today was getting 6 Christmas ornaments reduced to 50% off. And now I am announcing to the internet that I am a loser with no social life. really, I should be asleep, not blogging, but I've been reading all the "2005 Summary" posts on all the blogs.

Let's see, I think the highlight of my blogging year was when I was attacked by angry lesbian twin moms. Now those were the days of excitement. I could barely wait to check my comments to see what was happening. Then all you guys jumped in and you were all like, "Back off angry lesbian twin moms this is k8's blog daggonit." That ruled.