Extend your pinky when sipping.
Saturday, April 30, 2005

This afternoon my "godmother" ( I call her that cuz she's my adopted second mother) had a tea at her home, which is a bed and breakfast. It was supposed to be for all the mothers of our church- a pre Mother's Day type thing. She called and asked if I had missed the signup sheet going around which I had. She wanted me to come so I said okay cuz I love her plus a free tea party what could be betta? And she's the girls' third grandma who they call "Nanny." I did not know that I would be the only one present who had not yet gone through menopause.

I had an okay time. The food was the bomb diggity yo. I spent my downtime taking pictures.
here ya goclickit . Hit slideshow if it doesn't start automatically so you don't miss all my fuuuuuun comments down bottom.

Yes boys and girls, I got a computer. I was afraid to say anything til I actually had my hot little paws on it. It's a gorgilious scrumpdillyishus Dell 4700. They were having a 24 hour special and it was just toooo good to be true even though I really wanted a notebook. I know what you're thinking. Some people aren't ever satisfied. Chu. ( rhymes with duh--that's an expression my friends and I made up it's like a valleygirl version of tsk tsk - like a condensed "yeah right." feel free to use it anytime.) Being the keen consumer that I am I got a free flatscreen and traded my dad for his monitor which is LIKE SUPERHUGE GIGANTITROCIOUS. As I was telling this chick I know earlier, it's like I went from a Pinto to a Benz baby.

Now that I rule the computer universe, my poor children may be neglected and end up eating dry cereal out of cups while watching Connie the Cow on Noggin. Oh wait, they already do that. HA.

Guess what I got today.


The girls find out that Kurt is threatening to stop blogging again.

P1010021Monkeys fighting in a box.


It's very late. I just got home from a little spur of the moment shopping trip w my mom cuz u know, we crazy like dat. Well more like looking than buying. It was fun and I like being able to just leave for a while- Sue & Bob took the girls to eat and get their spoiled little butts a toy then brought them home and got them in bed. They rule.

We had a good time- ate at our fave Mexican place- I had taquitos. I was loking for sneaks for the monkmonks but didn't find any. I got some cute baby gifts for somebody but I can't tell you who. Ahem. Then we went to Coldstone Creamery. Oh yes. Have you ever been there? A little slice o'heaven. Then we went by to see my sister and harrass her about being a blogslacker. More tomorrow as I am mega-pooped.

PS my kids look so cute sleeping I could eat em up.
PPS I hope they look cute sleeping like really late in the a.m.

More fun than putting fishies nightnight.
Friday, April 29, 2005

These beautiful brand new sneakers need a home. I bought them even though there was only one pair in the girls' size because I loved them. When I went to other Walmarts to find another matching pair, every Walmart within driving distance either never had them or was sold out of size 6. None of my relatives could find them in a Walmart near them either. So if you have a little princess with a slightly chubby size 6 foot (bc they're not marked wide but are not super narrow either) please let me know and I will send them to you if you promise they will be worn and loved and not sold on ebay or at your yard sale.

I found some paint with water books in a 2 pack at the dollar store! I was excited bc I remember my mom used to let us do paint with water with our own little cups and Qtips and I thought it was sooooo fun. I tried w the girls today with them in their high chairs, of course, and they totally dug it dude!

Note the intense concentration. Must. Paint. Paper. They screamed when I finally made them get down. I have the Crayola ColorWonder fingerpaints but they didn't really get into those like they did this.

I have also started letting them play with PlayDoh in their high chairs too. They like making pancakes. I remember having the machine that made Playdoh spaghetti but they're too little for that. We have the Fisher Price Healthy Care highchairs with the removable tray so I just take the top part off.

I was also thinking about other cool stuff we used to do. My mom used to put food color in water and then we would pick Queen Anne's Lace and put the flowers in the colored water and overnight the flowers would turn colors and we thought that rocked! We also did the peanut butter pinecone bird feeder thingy and the sweet potato toothpick root growy thingy.

What are some fun little people projects you do/did with your baby mammals or your parents did with you?

Thursday, April 28, 2005


Happy Jesus People

Oh yeah I bet that title scared ya didn't it? Here she goes again, religious nutso extraordinaire. Well I was talking to a friend earlier today. He told me he has decided that all religions are basically the same and there's just one God who manifests himself differently based on your beliefs. So he has started reading all the different "bibles" as he calls of them, of the different religions- Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, etc, whatever he can find so that he prove his point. We often have discussions re Christianity bc obviously he knows I'm a Christian so he's always trying to come up with these existential questions about the Bible, Jesus, etc to ask me. Right now he's off on this topic. He says his mind just cannot grasp the concept that there could only be one true God and everybody else who doesn't believe that will go to hell. What about kids born in Muslim countries who have never heard about Christianity or jungle dwellers deep in the rainforests who never see another human besides their tribe members? he asked me. Are they automatically sentenced to Hell? I'm not telling you what my responses to him were here, but I did respond based on my Biblical knowledge and then I sent him some links to one of my favorite websites carm.org. He also told me he doesn't like the whole exclusivity factor of Christianity and the fact that Christians try to convert other people. Not to mention that I think all religions will try to convert you if given the opportunity, but I listened to his points and we had a nice conversation- no me beating him over the head with a Bible or damning him to eternal hellfire and blazes or anything like that.

Which brings me to a point I was gonna make yesterday but couldn't get my brain truly focused on how I wanted to say it. 2 posts ago when I was talking about the Bike Blessing at my church, I made a joke about beer. A joke- for crying out loud -that offended somebodies reading my website. They didn't think it was funny and how dare I joke about stuff like that if I call myself a Christian. I do understand that there are alot of Christians who don't drink alcohol and don't even joke about it. Then there are other Christian denominations who don't see anything wrong with a drink. I can't say that I know of any who are down with getting sloppy drunk and barfing in the toilet bowl, but there are different levels of acceptance of all different issues in the Christian community. There are even some denominations who believe they will be the only ones in Heaven and everybody else in all the other churches is WRONG WRONG WRONG and DAMNED. I'm not even going there. That's a scary place because I think it's people like that who make non Christians think that all Christians are wacked out nutjobs who want to tie you down and brainwash you.

What is my point here? you ask with a sigh. My point is Come on Christian people- lighten up a little for cryin out loud. Isn't knowing Christ supposed to make you joyful? Don't you know that Jesus came to earth as a human being and experienced all our human emotions? That's how he understands us so well, not only because of the whole Trinity thing- God made us, the Holy Spirit is with us, but also because Jesus is the Son of God and he came to earth and lived a human existence and guess what? He didn't sit up in the Temple pointing fingers at folks who were naughty. He got down with them in the bars, with the prostitutes, the taxmen, all the lowdown dirty dogs of society and He didn't write them an email and tell them they offended Him bc they were joking around and having fun.

The essential tenents of Christianity- the Apostles' Creed for a random example, are a common thread for all true Christians. Jesus wants the world to know He's here for everybody, not just an exclusive few. He wants Christians to go into the world and preach that Gospel. People do that in different ways. But folks ain't gonna wanna listen to what you have to say if you're all uptight and holier than thou. We're supposed to be the salt and light. That means making Christian life taste good to people and illuminating them by our brightness. Not shhhhing people and acting like we have a proverbial pole stuck somewhere.

I can say this bc I have lived at both extremes of the spectrum- sinful and wild and uptight and holy. Neither lifestyle or appearance of such is gonna help win souls. I am not saying do and say whatever you want but we as Christians need to be able to laugh at ourselves and not take everything so daggon seriously. I'm sorry but if you can go in a Christian store and not find something funny in the whole modern Christian marketing scene you have no sense of humor. With my sick sense of humor I find a water bottle imprinted with Come Thirsty to promote Max Lucado's new book a hoot. That doesn't mean that I don't take that verse or the concept of it seriously. Imagine Jesus walking through the local Christian store looking at the flip flops, purses, ties, 10 billion keychains, and stuffed Veggie Tale dolls. Not anything wrong with them but is that what Christianity is supposed to be about? I'm not trying to start a big riot here- just don't be a Pharisee pointing your finger at everybody and judging them.

They will know we are Christians by our love, not by our WWJD bracelets. xok8

PS Wanna hear something else that will scare ya?I'm a certified lay speaker in my denomination. That means I fill the pulpit when the Pastor's not there. How 'bout them apples?
PPS Even though you don't like my opinions I still love ya.*mwah* smoochykins


Monkey Action Shots
Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Monkeys in the Pooh pushcar. "Go go go mommy go go go"

Push faster I say, faster slavegirl! (Hannah bossing Lily, of course.)

When I saw this cute tropical footwear on my lunchbreak I was thrilled to see they had two of the same size, which is very unusual. Imagine my unbridled ecstatic joy when I saw that were reduced from ten to six each. Picture my untamed excitment as the saleslady informed me they were having a BOGO half off sale. Two pairs of shoes for 9 buckaroonis baby.
Piggies this cute should be illegal. I will eat them for dinner with biscuits and gravy.

Whassup with Blogger?

Originally uploaded by Monkey Mania.
Dude. Blogger is totally wacked today. I'm posting thru Flickr to see if it will show up. Can you see it?

Bad to the Bone
Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Last week I showed you the girls on a Harley from 1 year ago. Our pastor right now rides a Harley so since he has been here we have had an annual Bike Blessing Day where all the bikers come to church and then we crack open a keg. JUST KIDDING (man some people have no sense of humor.) No, we pray over them and their bikes and then we have a BBQ lunch oh yeah yummy. Anyway this year's was last Sunday and it was nice weather. The girls had a good time.
Seconds after this picture was taken it was like a big domino game. (Am I joking or not- you guess.)

If these are not the sweetest boobookins muffinmeats you have ever seen you need to check yo specs.

A band of rogue bikers tried to start a fight. Those hoodlums.

It'll change in a second.


Be cool.

Take my new survey on the sidebar. You can vote every 24 hours so set your clock.
PS My kids slept until NINE O CLOCK this morning. Jealous?

By the way everybody should go to Echo's site and order presents for Mother's and Father's Day. What could be a lovelier gift than a gorgeous photo collage??? For real though.

Not the Pepperidge Farm kind.
Monday, April 25, 2005

Saturday after the girls went to have their picture(singular) taken we went to a Chinese Buffet(All You Can Eat Chinese Buffets, by the way, are evil places invented by satan to lure dieters to their deepfried doom) and they had this way cool built in koi pond in the lobby with a huge rock fountain and waterfall. Koi is a fancy name for big fat Chinese goldfish. These fish were like totally humongous- they must have been really old. That is the reason I hissed "Stop it kid!" at this hoodlum child who was leaning over and sticking his hand in the water trying to grab them.

The girls were totally entranced because they had never seen real live fish up close and they did not want to leave. They kept trying to say "fish, fish" and it came out more like "dish, dish" and ohmygosh it was freakin adorable. They were saying it in the van after we left, so I decided this would be a great time to stop by Walmart and get them the pet goldfish I have been talking about. (I know what you're thinking what kind of idiot buys fish at Walmart but hey they were only 28 cents each which should have been a redlight warning sign so sue me.) They picked out the ones they wanted (yes they did so there) and we happily took them to their doom to their happy new home.

Sunday morning they got up and I stupidly said "let's go look at your fishies" before I had checked them and when we went to look, lo and behold, one of them was going nightnights on the bottom of the bowl. "The fishtank is, of course, the most important piece of equipment. Tanks are not at all expensive, and buying a nice, big tank is the best thing you can do for your fish. You should never keep your fish in a goldfish bowl or other small container. "- the Goldfish Sanctuary

Why do they call them goldfish bowls??? Heeelllooo. And yes there is a site called the Goldfish Sanctuary where they give you all this information and I'm like, dudes are you serious?? They even have a link you click on to adopt goldfish that have been abandoned but when you click it it says the Goldfish Sanctuary is closed and I think it's because someone beat them up. Poor guys.

So the monks were kissing the outside of the bowl because it was a cute baby goldfish going nightnight. Sick, I tell you, just sick. Don't get me wrong I'm completely into the whole tell your kids the truth philosophy and all that other treehugging crud but they don't understand what dead means and it did look like it was sleeping (with its eyes open.) Mommy went and put it in bed down the potty and you know the rest. May he RIP. Today at lunch I went and got 2 more from the local pet store so we'll se what happens.

I was so very ecstatic to receive a phone call from the darling sweet Renee this evening. We shoulda been sisters for real. We were talking about how when we're around our siblings we revert to childish behavior. I won't go into the gassy details and gross you out.

Hey, wouldn't you feel bad if you made your sister a blog and then she NEVER EVER POSTED ON IT and then you made it look even better(today) and then you called her and gave her a guilt trip about how much work you had done for her ungrateful butt and then SHE FINALLY wrote something again? Nah, me neither.

One final note to myself from the goldfish website:

Do not keep looking at your goldfish with a "magnifying glass".
Good basic care is great! Over "mothering" your goldfish is not.
Last but not least: If your goldfish are healthy DO NOT change anything, no matter who tells you to change.

Okay I won't.

Makes me snicker.

Got this in an email - a little exaggerated but still tickles yer funny bone. (Sorry male peoples.)

Six married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and four kids each, for six weeks. Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food. Each man must take care of his four kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.-The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is NO REMOTE The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas. The kids vote them off the island, based on performance. The last man wins only if he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years... eventually earning the right to be called "MOTHER".

If you're naughty I will tell on you.
Sunday, April 24, 2005

This is cruddy but the only thing they gave me at Sears was a tiny black and white proof printed on regular paper. The one I've been to before gave you a color proof. So you can't tell they had on tie-dye shirts and the background is bright colored hearts. Plus their hair was super duper precioulicious. Yeah I just made up that word but you can sound it out. As I predicted it was like a greased pig contest. Out of thirty minutes of work and alot of sweat and first coaxing then screaming and threatening this is what I got and although anything with them in it is cute it's not the super best. I'll show you the real one when I get it in a few weeks.

I'm not even supposed to be blogging right now but after I SAT HERE AND WAITED ANXIOUSLY for Crossing Jordan to come on at 10 the second it started (no joke) the sound went out and a staticcy noise came on. FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT. That's me saying bad words. I have invented all different words to substitute for profanities since I tried to stop cursing a few years ago which believe me was not easy bc I had a mouth like a drunk sailor. I could curse in 5 different languages. At the risk of you thinking I'm some angel I still slip sometimes cuz nobody's perfect but the Lord knows I have come a loooong way. Some other ones I have invented/use are sonofagun, shiite muslim, fruiteater, poodle head, crudola, and frigasaurus rex (that's still borderline.) Don't get me wrong, if you want to cuss that's your beeswax but I really try to control myself. Oh man I just realized I'm a goody-goody. I'm gonna be in charge of putting names on the board while the teacher's out of the room.

Public Service Announcement

Reading about everybody finding their lovah thru the internet had made me wonder- where is mine? I mean where do these people go to find people? From everything I see you have to pay money to sign up for all these online dating things and I am not that desperate yet. Just in case there are new rich male Christian readers of my blog who are looking for a demure shy Southern girl opinionated independent chick with 2 kids and who are willing to undergo a lie detector test, criminal background check, and blood analysis, here is another sultry picture of me in case you missed the Arizona one.
In all honesty I am not as skinny as I look in this picture; see last week's post about me feeling like a bloated whale. Also although I am a very pale whitey right now I am going to the tanning bed so please take that into consideration. And, I have my own health insurance so that's always a plus.

This is only for people who like monkeys.


What song is he playing??

These are a few of my favorite things.
Saturday, April 23, 2005

This just in...

My mom emailed me this picture from Mississippi
monkeybarrelclick to bigify
hmmm...monkeys, shoppings, and a 50% off sale. nice.

My sister took her class on a trip to DC and she emailed me this picture of what she bought me in the Smithsonian gift shop.
chipanzee bar (2)click to bigify
hmmm...monkeys and chocolate. real nice.

PS can anyone tell me how to make my pictures from flickr not have an ugly frame around them? if so i will love you forevah & evah.

Smile pretty now honey.

Pray for me as I am taking the monkeys to get their pics taken today. No, really, you don't understand, it's not a pretty scene. Sears Portrait Studio is scarred permanently when we leave each time. I'm going because I have the Smile Savers that expires soon and I found a coupon in a magazine for 3.99 portrait sheets. That's super cheap. They normally have to take about 12 pictures before they get even one where they're both looking at the camera. They have to call in an extra person to dance around and throw a ball and make the stuffed animals dance to get the girls to look. Everyone is usually pouring down sweat when it's over from the exertion. Why do I keep torturing myself like this?? Every time when it's over I say "I'm NEVER doing this again." But the one picture I do get out of 453 is sooo cute I can't stand it- I go back for more abuse. Kids- they suck your brain out and you enjoy it.

I like it.
Friday, April 22, 2005


If you don't think this is cute you probably have issues.

Have your people IM my people.

Yahoo Instant Messenger ID double_trouble_mommy
Who wants to talk to moi?

Put your mouse on the x and drag it to the o

XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O

Baked not fried.

I just read my last post and am I a whiner or what? Okay, don't answer. So, what's up with you? Let's see, here in Monkeyland my parents have gone to the Deep South to visit my brother and doesn't it tick me off that the weather there is 85 and sunny? No, I'm happy for them they need to get away for a few days.

Don't even start to tell me how bad the tanning bed is bc I'm going there starting today. A new place opened up about 4 minutes away and they're having an opening special. I have not tanned for quite a few years either w bed or real sun bc I a. havent had time b. see people with skin cancer at my job. You would think that seeing the skin cancer itself would be enough to make a normal person want to be pale forever but alas no, vanity wins the battle this year. I tan easily once I start going but if I don't go out in the sun I am like glow in the dark supa white. For whatever reason being tan makes me feel better about myself? Why is that? Go ahead, psychoanalyze me.

Today the weather is stark contrast from what it has been the rest of the week- blindingly bright and happy and sunny. It's cooler and overcast now. I even had to turn the heat on a tad overnight to knock the chill out of the air. I will force myself to be happy and cheerful in spite of the weather, through prayer, artificial sunlight, and if necessary pharmaceutical intervention.

My darling babies have been turning into such real people lately. I mean like verbalizing and having more different emotions. It looks like Hannah not surprisingly will likely be the spokeswoman for the pair. She has been talking alot more and telling me what they want. The other day we were outside and I brought them their lunch on plastic plates so they could eat outside and enjoy the nice weather. I put the plates down in front of them and turned to go get something and Hannah yells in this NY mafiosa attitude voice "MA." I turn around and say "what? " She gestures with her whole hand towards the table in front of them and says matter of factly in the same tone "Juice." Lily nodded in agreement. Like, why should they even have to tell me I should know they want juice. The hand gestures I do believe are derived from our darling Wednesday morning visitor Miss Jojobear who is Italian and teaches them all these things like that. When they can't find something now they put both hands palm up in the air and make a sound like "I donknow" with a little Italian lilt. Drama queens in the first degree. Evidence. Click to bigify em.

I know, I know.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005

What is up with me the past few days? Several things, the main one being that we finally have had some nice days here in Monkeyville. The girls sleep sooo much better when they have been outside running around like wild banshees. Last year my dad built what we call the monkey pen. It's this huge square playyard in the field beside my house. By field I mean like, field. A huge lot that when I was little used to be planted with soybeans but up until we moved back over here had nothing. For a while my ex had turned it into a mini golf course then last year it was just grass and my dad built this humongous outside romper room. It's close enough too so I my cordless phone works out there. I promise pictures this weekend.

The way my dad does projects, he starts off small then it evolves into something big. It was gonna be just a little fenced in area for them to run around in and it turned into this indescribable yard with a custom swing out double handmade gate like a corral or something.

So I decided it looked so big and empty I needed to fill it up. I got on the hunt for secondhand outside toys. My main mission was to find one of those big cool plastic playhouses and some climby stuff. The main local radio station here, of which there are two by the way, I mean we can get like 10 on the radio (woo-hoo) but only two broadcast from here, has this show everyday where people buy sell and trade stuff like old junk and cars and stuff so I said I wanted to buy used toys and after about 3 days or so I hit the goldmine. Some lady had this Little Tikes Playhouse the one that makes sounds like a doorbell etc that costs like 89 bucks or more depending onthe website for 10 dollas baby. Oh yeah. Then I got a whole bunch of other cheap stuff for like probably 45-50 total- 2 Little Tikes tables w chairs, cars you ride in and/or push along, a climber castle w sliding board and when you drive by it looks like I'm gonna open a daycare.

What was my original point here? Oh yeah, me being a slackbutt lame-o non poster. So, every night I have been outside chasing them, playing w them, taking them biking around town or walking w them in their stroller. Then I bring them in give them a bath, put jammies on, do the bedtime routine which is a complicated process in and of itself, and dude I'm like demolished. I collapse into a lifeless lump. The main reason being I have been eating junk like you would not believe and my gut is bigger than a Japanese sumo wrestler sorry to gross you out. But it's true. Every extra ounce I gain goes straight to the tum tum. I'm serious I'm looking at myself right now and I look like this.
Okay so then I'm depressed cuz my gut is big so guess what I do? You got it bub. Eat something. (Male readers pardon the female stuff but it must be said.) I mean I am carrying about 8 lbs of water on top of it but come on I've got to get a grip. I think it's something about the change in seasons that makes me wacked out. Or maybe I'm just mental and more aware of it right now. ANYWAY, can you say choc-o-hol-ic??

So plus my workload has approximately doubled in the last 2 weeks and I have about 5 side projects I'm working on with deadlines so that's on my mind alot too. Plus honestly I do believe writing what I wrote on the other blog has drained my emotional energy and I'm trying to get the gumption to finish the story already but I already know the end so it's not so happy of an ending for me but I want to do it I just have to be in the right mood to write it. Have I completely lost you now?
In summary these are some reasons I have not written anything or been to your blog to post comments but I am sosososoo sorry and I promise I will be there ASAP probably tomorrow Friday the latest? Do you forgive me? and if not I still love you anyway. xo k8

PS I got my first facial peel
PPS I haven't totally decided on a computer yet.
PPPS Here are my kids at bedtime tonight in case you missed them.
Hannah tries to delay bedtime by adjusting her pillow to every conceivable position before it's juuuust right.
Lily tattling on Hannah the best she can with a pacifier in, really just pointing and grunting, the meaning of which was, Maaaaaa, she's not being still so we can read our bedtime boooookss.

A Summary of My Life Today:


Wild Monkey Flashback: 1 Year Ago
Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Since I only started this blog a while back you didn't know that the girls have been bad to the bone for quite some time.
Exhibit A:
What you've never seen pacifier sucking Harley riders?

Exhibit B: Later that day after a long ride they hit the bottle.
Kids these days...what are we gonna do with em????

An ottoman would be nice too.

My sister thinks she's hot stuff now that she has her own blog. However, she only posts like every tenth day so what's up with that? Everybody should go over there and harass her.

Today after I had my coffee, btw the monks slept til 8- hurray, we played Magnadoodle in the living room, had breakfast, etc., and I came back here to my room where the computer is. I opened their bedroom door bc they like to play in their room and I only let them go in there when I'm on the computer so they think it's something exciting. I heard some noises and went to investigate. They were standing guiltily in the hall outside their room holding these hair clips that were on TOP OF THE DRESSER that they're not allowed to have. I though, how did they get those? and looked in their room and saw this.

Nobody believes me when I try to tell them that they team up together to figure out how to get stuff they want. I confiscated the Pepsi crate and came back in here. I heard noises again and yelled what are you doing? I got up and went in and saw this.

No bueno batman. This is the reason their pink princess beds are bolted to the wall and the dresser is the only other thing in the room. The dresser is really heavy and the drawers are hard to open so thank goodness they can't do that yet. They're only 2 for crying out loud. I want a normal house with real furniture like a coffee table or something someday. Maybe when they go to college.

Babies rule the world.
Monday, April 18, 2005

The neighborhhood monkey soccer league started out the season with a strong opening game in the Monkeyville Backyard sandlot this evening. The rules of monkey soccer are a little different than traditional games of the sport. There were three young primates, each acting as their own individual team, attempting to either kick, pass, or pick up and run away screaming with the ball. Also fair game for kicking was the sand itself and large chunky pebbles mixed in with it. Several adults originally acting as referees also functioned as monkey catchers as each team would at times attempt to escape from the playing field to run and jump in the freshly tilled sod of the neighbor's backyard garden. All in all it was a good game, with lots of sharing, screaming, chasing, high pitched shrieking, and no sand in the eyes of any young mammals. Each monkey scored one point for cuteness and sportsmanship ending in a tie score. A goods time was had by all and the Monkey Mama, after bathing, feeding snacks and milk to, and kissing the monkeymeats night night is completely exhausted and may collapse into a lifeless lump of lard at any given second.

Okay, you dudes have spoken and it will be a Dell. Now I just have to decide which one.

Yay for not having to be at work at 7am tomorrow- now if the kids would sleep til 8 I would be ecstatically happy. yeah right. They know when I want to sleep late and so they set their secret baby alarm clocks to 7am so they can start banging on the wall and screaming "Maaaa maaaa maaaa juuuiiiiice maaaaaaa juuuiicceeeee" until I cannot ignore them any longer & drag myself out of bed to fulfill their wishes. Babies completely have it made. No matter how frustrated you are all they have to do is smooch you or give you a sweet look and you're under their sick little spell. Kids- why do they have to be so doggone cute anyway? And don't forget the part where we have to wipe their butts- now that's the life. Just wait- someday we'll be old and they'll be changing OUR diapers. HA!

Preparing to pass out...xok8

My heart hurts really bad.

I stopped breathing and I felt sick then started crying when I was just clicking through reading random blogs on my blogroll and I read this. The reality of how much I actually cared about a chick I've never met and the sorrow I feel for her is unbelievable. I hadn't read anything Christi or Brandi had written yet so it was a complete and total shock for me. I honestly can't imagine how she mustered the strength to even post that. Pray for her and her husband that they may feel angels all around them lifting them up and comforting them through this hard time. Life is so very uncertain, isn't it?

I need you to tell me.

A couple of quick questions this fine Monday morning before I get totally swamped with work.

1. Will I ever be able to walk through my house barefoot without stepping on a cheerio or goldfish?

2. Which computer should I buy?


Mucousy motherhood moments and more.
Saturday, April 16, 2005

Ohmygoodness I don't even know where to start. Number one, the young mammalian creatures are completely in Snot City so I am too. It's a big Kleenex festival here in the Monkey Palace. I thought it was allergies bc it was clear (sorry non parents to gross you out) but then tonight before dinner Lily got really lethargic- she felt a little warm- and wouldn't eat nuttin but a few goldfish but she did drink some water and take chewable Tylenol and Sudafed before she went night night. Can I please shake the hand and wash the car of the man who invented these new chewable thingies for kids who won't take their medicine? I could actually hear the angels singing Hallelujah as I saw spotted them on the shelf at Target.

So besides that THE BIG GRANDE HUGE NEWS of the year is that guess what I'm totally getting a computer cuz God just gave me some money. I'm crazy? you say, alas no, mon ami, tis true. (the crazy part and the money part.) Remember (or not) how I said my whole tax refund was spent bc I have to pay my parents back the money they lent me for my mommy mini van? Well I was actually thinking it wouldnt be quite enough and I would still owe them a little. Guess what? Go ahead guess. No really guess. Okay I'll tell you. My tax refund is MORE THAN I NEED to pay them back- enough for a computer so here is me.
chimp002 Yippy skippy!

Another awesome thing is that one of my oldest and dearest friends I hadn't heard from in like forever called me this morning. I love her so much and she's like one of those friends that it doesn't matter how long it's been since we talked it's like it was just yesterday! I gave this url so maybe she's reading this! Hi janeykins! smooches.

Okay I going to go watch a rerun of Law & Order my all time favorite show but first I have to go listen to my kids breathing cuz when they're sick I'm extra super paranoid like that! xok8

I have to laugh.

Now that I can get on Blogger I don't have time to post. I will post on both tonight. (If you don't know about the other one, where have you been? Read down further.) Yesterday was an AWESOME day for me and I can't wait to tell you about it. Here are my monkeys with these shirts I got em yesterday. It's cold here but when they saw the shirts they wanted to wear them so I put them on over their other clothes. And they're STILL cute. I could eat 'em up! Click pix to bigify them. xok8


Originally uploaded by Monkey Mania.
Is anyone there? Anybody? This is making me nutso. I can't get on blogger all day. It keeps giving me an internal server error. I'm trying to figure out if it's this computer or what. Please leave a comment and let me know.

Too tired to post.
Thursday, April 14, 2005

And I'll be gone tomorrow. So here's some pics to last ya!
P1010039 Kissy monkeys.
sillygirls Silly babies.
P1010011My favorite sunglasses.

If you haven't been here lately be sure to read the Pssss Wanna Hear a Secret post below! xok8

It's for the kids I promise.

Can someone buy us this? If the link doesnt work hit home page then enter search phrase monkey mansion.

Pssss...wanna hear a secret?

I know that many of you are probably wondering...why is she divorced, where is her ex husband, what is the deal w that? So I have decided to tell you my long complicated tale since we're such good friends now. The only problem is this...there's like 1 or 2 people I know personally in real life who I know read my blog and I don't want them to read it and be up in my biz-ness. So I'm creating a another blog where I can tell you my secrets. I will tell you the address if you email me and ask for it or leave a comment with your email. If I don't know you just explain that youve been lurking on my blog every day and you now want to come out of the closet to get the scoop! Don't be afraid to ask because there's only a couple people I don't want reading it.

My readers love me
Wednesday, April 13, 2005

In response to my post last week of Am I Hot or Not, someone sent me this. it rules.

Alright, I'll do it already.

I decided to make this more interesting for you with lots of fun clicky pics to express myself better! btw you are not allowed to read this until you have completed the monkey personality test below.

If you could build a second house anywhere where would it be? Salamanca, Spain
What are your favorite articles of clothing? Well see I have this certain style of pants I like. I have multi pairs I've collected. They're like thin sweat pants? or yoga pants with wide bottoms. I have them in like 6 colors& one hot pink velour pair I adore.
What was the last CD you bought? Downloaded? James Taylor greatest hits
What time do you wake up in the morning? 6am
If you could play an instrument what would it be? I don't wanna play an instrument I want to be able to sing!!
Which vehicle do you prefer: sports car, motorcycle, or SUV? my mama minivan
Do you believe in the afterlife? Yes. Which do you prefer, smoking or non-smoking?
Can you juggle? yes. monkeys
Favorite children's book? Goodnight Moon
What is your favorite season? autumn
If you have a tattoo what is it? a celtic cross on the bottom of my back and a girl faced sun with the word esperanza on my right front thigh. I invented it so there's no similar pic.
If you could have one superpower what would it be? To make myself invisible so I could listen to people without them knowing. Bwah ha ha
Who is one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to? My granddad.
What is under your bed? Nothing bc my mattress & boxsprings are on the floor.
What's your favorite day? Any day I'm home when my girls wake up.
Sushi or hamburger? Weeeeeellllllll, hamburger most of the time if it's angus beef. But I loooove sushi too.
Who did you steal this from? Some chick named Renee
What is your favorite flower? lily. duh.
What is your favorite meal? Ribeye steak medium rare, grilled shrimp, baked potato with sourcream and chives, asparagus
Describe your pjs. Pink with cute widdle fwoggies.
What is your favorite breakfast? multi layer chocolate cake and mr pibb (on ice)
Do you like your job? oh yeah (that's not me but she represents my feelings.)
What is your dream job? restaurant owner
What age do you plan to retire? um that keeps changin each month when I get my portfolio report.
Where did you meet your spouse or significant other? are you trying to rub it in that I no longer have a spouse????? that is so mean.
Something you'd like to do that you've never done before? travel all around Europe like a rich person.

Do I a-peel to ya?

Guess what everybody?? My friend works in a dr's office where they're going to start doing glycolic acid facial peels and they have ones for oily skin like mine and I'm going to be in the clinical trial and become beautiful FOR FREE. Don't tell me anything bad about facial peels bc this would normally cost like 500 bucks. It's a series of light peels that will degrease me, clear up my zits and smooth out my skin. The before and after pix are the bomb baby. I'm so excited, I just can't hide it, I'm about to lose control and ________________. fill in the blank

Personality Test by k8


Please answer the following questions honestly.

When I look at this monkey I feel
a. happy
b. disturbed
c. scared
d. a&b
e. a & c

This monkey's name is
a. Sunshine
b. Rocko
c. Bobo
d. Spike
e. Ralph

The fact that he is winking at me and giving me the thumbs up makes me feel
a. special
b. nervous
c. violated
d. loved
e. annoyed

Score your answers: a=1 b=2 c=3 d=4 e=5 Add up your total points.

3-5- You have issues; seek professional help or leave a comment.
6-10- Borderline personality disorder; both of you leave a comment.
11-15 - Semi- normal; leave a comment.

This is me ranting like a loonatic.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Alright now I remember why I stopped going to church meetings. I'm serious organized religion makes me completely nuts. I know we're supposed to gather together for Worship but at my church in meetings about other stuff people micromanage the everloving stuffisis out of EVERY. LITTLE. THING. I had gotten so frustrated with the unnecessary length of meetings and the petty discussions that I had stopped going to meetings. My mommy dearest convinced me to go to this one meeting tonight for the big festival we do each year. I have been the Director since it started but I resigned this year due to irreconcilable circumstances meaning sick of running my butt off and doing everything while everybody else stood around and criticized. No I'm not talking about a job here I'm talking about something that ws supposed to be an enjoyable Jesus activity that had turned into a dreaded event for me so hasta la pasta to that. Instead of being in charge of the whole thing I'm doing the face painting booth ONLY. Ah the sensation of utter freedom.

Tonight they spent 35 minutes discussing what the cost of the all you can eat chicken and dumplings should be for a festival fundraiser. I resisted the temptation to stab myself in the eye with a pen and left.

In other news around the world, seems people are interested in the length of my leg hair. I am happy to report that right now no hair is present. By the way Intuition razors rock. I get the cartridges when they go on buy one get one sale at CVS. My sister is especially keen on my leg hair status bc when I was in college I used to shave my legs um, every so often let's say. This disgusted her. Now whenever I see her and I have something on that shows leg, which is not often as I am extremely modest & not into exposing my legmeat to the world, she inspects the length of my leg hair. Capris are about it for me. I do have a couple pairs of shorts that I wear at home and around the yard. I'm sure that seems crazy to you but in the bad old days I showed enough of everything to make up for my whole life. So now the only person who will see above my knee is my future husband if there is one, which is looking doubtful seeings as men are about as plentiful around here as good shoe stores and people who don't shoot deer.

I'm not a member of like a snake handling cult or anything and I don't care what other people wear it's just me and my quirkiness. I'm quirky. That's a shocking news flash. Oh yes and shy and quiet too. BWWWWWAAAAH HA HA! (crazy crazy laugh)

It's like Madlibs but better and more creative and funnier.

Yes I was almost finished with a post when my computer locked up w a wacked out error message. In case you're a new kid here my computer is a donated one for which I am grateful but is going to die any time now and I got no moolah for a new one. Last night I was sooooooo depressed bc I thought it was a goner fer sure and ohmygoodness I have no life except the internet so I would actually have to function in society.

Anyway the magical moment passed and that post is gone with the proverbial wind kids.

I was brainstorming for topics for posts and I thought I would share some with you and see what you thought; feel free to throw some of your own clever topics at me or even cuter what should the first or last sentence of these posts be?

Children: Must They Really Be Fed Every Day?
Step 2 versus Little Tykes-A Quantitative Analysis of Durability
Stretch Marks- Pride and Prejudice
How to Avoid Bright Colored Oversize Shirts with Cartoon Characters on Them
The Male Powered Myth of "Too Many Shoes"

PS In case you are wondering yes I am just as berserk in real life as I seem on this website. Basically I type like I was talking bc that way you know the REAL k8. Unlike some people who can't decide on their alter ego. "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." Tsk tsk tsk.

Oh yes.
Monday, April 11, 2005

I rule. Did I just fix my computer or am I dreaming? Now I'm too tired to rewrite what I was gonna write. I cannot believe this here machine crashed at the end of like the longest post I was almost finished too. Ka-blooey!! Til tomorrow darlings.

this is an audio post - click to play

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
Who's the Monkey Mama?

Location: Planet Twinstar, Monkeyville, United States

I'm a real live human person...the slightly wacky mom of 6 year old identical twin primate princesses and one 2year old monkeyboy. I'm divorced from a crazy baboon and remarried to a big snuggly gorilla. I thank God daily for my wonderful family and friends, without whom I would go berserk. My chirren are the cutest kids ever born (besides yours) and if you don't believe that you obviously need to see a shrink.

How is she feeling?

The Monkey Mama's imood is
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)

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Contact me, the monkey mama. two_wild_monkeysatya hoo.com

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