Flip the script
Sunday, July 31, 2005

I wanted to repost this oldie from April since it's very relevant to my life right now. Hope you like reading or re-reading it.

Birds and Flowers

You know, I think the exciting thing about this blog is that you never have any clue what I will be talking about next bc my brain is so random. I type whatever's on my mind at the moment, whether it be chocolate, God, my kids, shoes, or breakfast cereal. Today I have several things on my mind, all of which lead my brain to the following topic, which happens to be God-related.If you have read my 100 things, you know that I am a confessing Christian but I have not always been one. Not confessing like "Oh God I'm a sinner confessing my sins" but confessing like "I proclaim that I am a Christian." Am I making you nervous? Do you feel like you want to stop reading now bc I have already said God and Christian and proclaim? Don't worry I'm not going to try to force anything on you -I'm just talking about my personal issues and experiences. Alright back to my original point. I've been thinking about my favorite Bible verse/s. The whole Book and many specific verses have gotten me through a whole lot of cruddy stuff but near and dear to me are the following ones.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34
So anyway I was saying these are near and dear verses to me bc in my mind they sum up God's coolness. And they serve alot of purposes. First of all, did you read those verses or skip over em like blahblahblah Bible. If you skipped, then go back and read them for real.Think about the last beautiful flower you saw whether it was outdoors or in an arrangement.

HELLO. Look at the detail in just in those three species of lilies. How many more species of lilies, of flowers, are there in the world? Like a gazillion. Now how about the birds? The King James version says sparrow. How many species of sparrows are there?

There's like, a ton. Now what about all the other species and subspecies of birds? Now add up all the species and subspecies of plants and animals on the whole planet. Good googamooga Batman that'll boggle your little brain.Now, here's the thing. If God took the time and effort to make not only every single species of plant and animal, but every single individual one of those flowers and sparrows, why don't I believe that He cares about me? The Bible is like, what are you worrying about, you're a human being with an immortal soul and they're just flowers that will eventually wither up and die so dude, how can you even question that God loves you? If He cares that much about stuff that is here today and gone tomorrow, how much more does He love you who are alive forever? I think that's beautiful. Key phrase there: - seek the Kingdom of God first and everything else will fall into place.

Really I'm not lecturing you. These are hypothetical questions for myself because even though I know these verses by heart and sit here and type what they mean I'll still find myself freaking out when something throws me off or something happens that upsets me and I'm like WHATAMIGONNADONOW? IMDEADMEAT. And that's when they'll pop into my head and I'll tell myself, k8, consider the lilies.

God is going to take care of you, oh you chick of little faith, get a grip.

God rocks like that.


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Watch my adorable kids do the same thing 80 times.
Saturday, July 30, 2005


In unrelated news:

This page lists the keywords that people use to find your site in each of the search engines that are currently sending you traffic.
Some recent entries...

  • priscilla presley's plastic surgery photos
  • scared monkeys
  • gina wild pics (hubba hubba gina!)
  • kick me in the head
  • matador bust
  • Madwoman with a mania of envy
  • toe cheese
  • "cool questions to ask people"
  • syndrome blinkies
  • I am constantly washing my hands and I am cautious
  • kids make a person and dress it up and make fries
  • "slice the ice or pay the price"
  • run monkeys run

  • I thought I was weird. Now I feel semi-normal.

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Hey slick.
Thursday, July 28, 2005

Gayla tagged me with this meme a long long long time ago. I'm slack but here I go...

What's On Your Bedside Table?

2 books...this one and this one (HA! That second one will make you laugh when I tell you what they did today)

A mini hair clippy thing like I wear all the time at home to pull my bangs back. Like this pic but not flowers just plain. I have a wide variety - my faves are pink glitter.

A bottle of Jergens Ultra Healing lotion

A lamp

My pink ipod mini

Does this make me boring? I think so. I tag Tee, Christi, Gina, Steve, Michael, Sandy, and you. Because I know I forgot alot of people off the top of my head. Let me know if you do it so's I can be nosy.

Okay so today when I got home I look at the kids and go "Why is their hair wet?" though I really didn't want to know bc it meant they had to have a bath at 430pm. Turns out they crept up the dresser after their nap and somehow procured the jar of vaseline and did each others' hair in mohawks. I put them BACK in the tub and tried to get it out. Twice w Gerber and twice w Dawn didn't do jack buddy. And my sister's here and we're going to the carnival tonight to see all the people we haven't seen since last year at the carnival. Sweet.

FYI: Robert Cheesebrough lived to the age of 96 and claimed to have eaten a spoonful of Vaseline everyday. He was such a believer in Vaseline that during a bout of pleurisy, he had his body completely covered with it from head to toe. He soon recovered. Oy vey.

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My favorite crackers

Man I love me some of these Swiss Cheese Crackers. Why? you ask. Why do you like these Nabisco Swiss Cheese crackers, k8? Well since you asked I will tell you.

First, they taste grrrrrrrrrreat. Much better than real swiss cheese. If you have never had the experience of eating these crunchy treats you should run immediately to your nearest grocer and purchase a box. Or two. They have a nice crunchy but not too crunchy texture, plus they have a nice cheese powder dusting on the outside that is oh so savory.

Secondly, they are freakin adorable. The holes in the crackers are aesthetically pleasing and give you that I'mnoteatingjunkfoodI'meatinghealthycheese feeling.

Lastly, to add to the cracker appeal, as you can read on the box, they now have a bold new look as well.

Now that I have shared my deepest cracker feelings with you, dear reader, please tell me this...what is your favorite kind of cracker, and why?


ps while researching this post I found this link for a free sample of sumpin good.
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

...like I was saying, we have been trying to get my new house cleaned out for the big move which we were hoping was gonna happen before we go to Mexico but alas this shall not pass, my dears. The house is in great general shape overall but the living room has not been touched since before my mom graduated from college. Yikes.

I have been looking everywhere for cheap area rugs. Sheesh, who knew home furnishings could break the budget? And your kids are gonna spill crud all over em anyway? Nevertheless, I pressed on in hopes of a rug that would make my eyes and my purse equally content. I ordered it from Lowe's and the girl told me it was on their website but good thing I'm a skeptic and I took a pic just in case w my camera phone.
rugClick to bigify.
Of course you can't tell exactly but you get the general idea. My kids will be drinking clear liquids til they're in their teens. "Please don't throw up in the living room honey, hold it in til you get to the kitchen, thanks."

And I found valances there I dug too. I really never stopped to examine their decorating department before because I never had to, but I gotta tell ya...it was pretty extensive. (Wow that sounds corny when I type it huh?)

The rug and the sofa are the main two biggest items I have to have. Everything else is cool. The sofa I could not live w b/c a. dog and cat smell and b. dog and cat hair.

My current sofa was gonna get kicked to the curb anyway because it's about raggedy- I have a cover on it now and it's the second cover. I used to have a shar pei and she ate a big ole hole in the arm but that's a whole nother story involving my ex and we don't want go there.

I'm so controversial!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005


Dude, like, I never knew an opinion of mine could matter so much to so many people. I have been BANNED* from a message board. The very first message board I ever joined. Am I a rebel? Wow. Plus, even after I stopped saying anything, they just kept coming here and leaving me love letters. I wonder if I should call my agent and get some 8 x 10 glossies done. I'm famous.

All joking aside, the bottom line is this is my blog and I can delete or ban anyone I want to. If I don't want to have a comment on my blog with you calling me a Nazi, guess what? I don't have to. If I don't want to look at your liberal spew, guess what? I don't have to.

I am a Christian, a Republican, a Southern Conservative; needless to say I'm pro life as well. I ain't changing my opinion one little iota because some tyrading liberal mommies don't like me disagreeing with them. The Bible says homosexuality is wrong and that's it. No if, ands or buts about it. I believe marriage= one man and one woman.

But just because I hold those beliefs does not mean I hate all gay people personally. Some of the best friends I have ever had in my life were gay.And gay people read this Christian chick's blog. And for your information, my uncle was gay and he died of AIDS. And I loved him.


ps big props to my peeps who stood with me on this. sorry if some of your comments got deleted with the yucky ones. and thank yous and love to all the twin mommies from the message board who emailed me and told me sorry on behalf of the other ones. that means alot.

pps since some friends asked, here is the cartoon i published that started all the hooooopla.

added July 27th, 10:30 a.m.
* i found out the reason i was banned was for "spamming." I don't remember sending any unsolicited bulk email of a commercial nature. Maybe they meant the other Spam. But I looked there and I don't remember ever riding the Spammobile or writing haikus about Spam. I can honestly say I have never even eaten any of this product, visited the Spam museum, and I am not a member of the Spam fanclub. Weird.

It doesn't hurt when it drops. I know.
Monday, July 25, 2005

I did it. I made the big move. I know I should have done it long before now but I was just so used to the old comfy way of doing things that I was afraid to break into new territory. I was stuck in the big old rut of habit. Now that I've done it I'm a believer and I'm telling everybody they should do it too cuz it's so much better and easier, not to mention faster.

I switched from Explorer to Firefox.
You should too. Don't think- just act.

Well everybody loves a little juicy controversy and the other day when I wrote about being attacked on the twin message board, not only did they stalk my blog and talk more trash about me, but a couple o' peeps left comments and wanted me to post the thread in question here on my blog. I did consider it.

But after prayerful consideration, while the human side of me would love to make them look like bigger idiots than they already make themselves out to be, the Jesus side of me decided not to. I will tell you that the whole thing started out with a comment I made on a post about homosexuality and the Bible. Okay, stop right there and stop assuming.

No I was not harrassing gays or being negative about gayness in general, I was irked at the essay that was posted by a chick on the board where a gay guy went through all these multiple rationalizations and tried to disprove the way the Bible has been translated and interpreted to try and prove that the Bible actually says homosexuality is okay. I'm sorry but there is absolutely no way I can go with that.

As Christians we are called to love everybody and that includes gay people too. Hey gay people, you are welcome here on my blog! We are supposed to show Christ's love to them and respect them as human beings. But there ain't no way you're gonna convince me that the Bible condones homosexuality. Nevah evah evah. Then the while thing got worse when I was set up with loaded questons about gay rights, gay marriage, gay this and gay that.

What I didn't know is that while the site says it's a message board for parents of twins, it's allegedly a breakaway group from the original Twins magazine message board. They allegedly left during a period allegedly called the Original Exodus and formed their own message board. Guess why. Go ahead, guess.

You got it- they were allegedly were censored for angry comments about gayness. Because the leader is allegedly gay. Man, do I ever manage to get myself up in the middle of some schtuff. So I think the board is misleading. Instead of being called a twins board it should be called a gay/radical feminist board for people who happen to have twins. And the byline should say "If you are a Republican, don't even bother."

I have learned from this experience though. Relearned I should say. No matter how you try to explain or discuss something with someone and want to make them understand your point of view, if their heart is hardened, it ain't gonna happen. It doesn't matter what the topic is. The only thing you can do is share and then let it go. Debating and verbal sparring will get you nowhere with someone who doesn't want to hear what you're saying. Only God can make info absorb into the brain and then drop from the head to the heart.

That's why He's God, dude. He's cool like that.

Cupcake Girls
Sunday, July 24, 2005

...before church today.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

They gave out little flashlights that say I heart VBS last night and the girls were having a ball. Of course I took them away after they fell asleep due to the cords so don't call CPS on me please.

They're mean mean mean, Mommy.
Thursday, July 21, 2005

So I joined a Twins message board cuz I thought it would be cool to meet/ compare notes with other twin moms. However, having the big big mouth I have, I have gotten into a debate, very heated debate, with a group of people who disagree with me on a certain (non twin related) point. Let's just say it's Bible related and leave it at that.

Meow! Talk about some attitudes honeychild. I never knew people on the internet could get so mean and nasty with each other or in my case with a person they don't even know. Of course I knew going into the discussion that I was the minority so I'm not surprised at the pies that were chunked in the general direction of my head. But I'm used to happy blogosphere people who share their opinions nicely and don't bite.

It feels good to be back here on my own little blog without the bullets and arrows whizzing by. Just baby poop and barf here. Aaaah, how soothing.Hey I wonder if Jillian's had her baby yet? I will have to go check as soon as I finish this post.

Hannah had her first tattle episode tonight- she's such a big whine baby lately. They were in the bathtub playing and Hannah yelled "Maaaaaa. mama. come 'ear." I went in and she said "Ma, sissah wawa'ed me" and pointed to her eye indicating Lily had poured water on her and it got in her eye. I wanted to laugh bc I knew she was over dramatizing and it was so freakin cute but I didn't want her to be scarred for life so I wiped her eyes and made sissy give her a hug. I have a funny feeling "Sissy wawa'ed me" is gonna be the least of the tattling from this point on in our house.

Tomorrow night is the last of VBS. I had fun but YEAH! I can finally get my life back. And my blog. And get to read other people's' blogs who think I have rejected and abandoned them.

I'm a prepreprepre Christmas shopper. I like to start buying stuff when I see it on sale as early as possible. I have few things already but today I went to Walmart at lunch and they had the Disney Princess dress up shoes half price. HELLOOOOOOOOOO!!! Those officially licensed bad boys are normally 8.88 a pair. I got them both the pink Aurora ones with marabou and beads. I was so proud of myself. Now if I can just resist giving them to the girls before December I'll be good ta go. I tried to find a pic to show you but I couldn't.

I just realized how boring this post is. I would like some suggestions on how to spice things up a bit around here. What do you think?

Mommy's so proud of her little princesses.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005

They can already walk in high heels.

ps yes my 2 year old child has a pacifier in her mouth. hannah is off hers but lily is still hangin in there.

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Imagine being on a diet and working in an office where every day they put out a big fat tray of those big soft chocolate chip and other kinds of cookies they sell in the bakery at Sam's Club. Dude that is just wrong. Remember when we had those Ghiradelli chocolate chocolate squares with assorted fillings? I do believe the employees ate more than the patients.

So last night I had a massive migraine headache. I never never ever ever had a problem with headaches until I had children. HA! Isn't that just ironic. But then again I never imagined myself cleaning poopoo out of potties either. Yes, Hannah Grace decided to go ahead and poop on the potty. Gag me. When I was cheering them on to #2 in the toity, I didn't consider the cleanup part of it. Man, what mothers do for their children. I am so buying one of those seats that goes on the big toilet the next time I go shopping.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I was so gonna post tonight. But I got a massive headache- aroni. Yeeeouch.

Geography Lesson
Monday, July 18, 2005

This was a cool meme April had at her site: you go to the link afterwards and it automatically does the meme for you when u fill in the blanks.

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C. /

HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you

you will of course notice that no state is italicized for me. the only state I have ever lived in and still live in now is the state of confusion and that was not an option.

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I always liked Tony Danza and Alyssa Milano.

Well it's looking like there's no way that we're gonna be able to move to our new domicile before the Mexico trip. I know you were worried about that for me and I thank you for your concern. I hear that there is a major hurricane headed for the resort area where we are planning to go so it looks like maybe we will have to change our destination if the place we were planning to go to no longer exists. The lack of actual physical buildings there could prove to be an obstacle to our leisuretime enjoyment of the resort.

In other news around the globe, I am still alive and have all 4 limbs intact after the first night of VBS. This is the craft we did last night. They give you a book with suggested crafts for the theme which this year as I mentioned is Safari/Jungle. However, after years of trial and error, I have found that it's easier to stick with easy stuff rather than trying to glue cotton balls and toothpicks to toilet paper rolls and paint them orange to make a tiger puppet. I will be doing some other cool stuff like this and this that is related to the jungle theme. Thank you Lord, for Oriental Trading Company and their craft kits. I highly recommend them for any kid related activities, church or not.

Can someone please tell me that this bossy stage my girls are going through is a passing phase? They are so freakin pushy it's makin me nuts. They start commanding and demanding the minute they get up and don't stop even when they're in bed at night. I do make them say please and thank you and I tell them no more often than not (then watch them throw a hissy fit) but they do stuff like yell "Mommy, stop!" if they don't like what I'm doing and also, if I'm trying to have a conversation they are constantly interrupting to try to have my attention all the time and I have to keep correcting them. NERVE WRACKING!! Sheesh.

I would never put on my iPod and turn it up to tune out the wailing. That would just be wrong.

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Saturday, July 16, 2005

Okay Haloscan is on my Tick List. Not only now are people having problems opening my comments but now theyre actually dissapearing! Dude. That is wack to da max. I love my comments. They're like little happy notes my friends wrote me.

Vacation Bible School starts tomorrow and runs every night until Friday??? Great paper plate craft, batman that's a long freakin time. But I am seriously considering skipping the last night which is the closing ceremony thingy and going to see James Taylor in concert with my sister. Stacy are you reading this? Do you still wanna go? One good thingis..get this...they have free dinner every night at 5:30-6. So you don't have to cook all week. Now that's special. The kids are always a trip and I have fun. I will take some pics to show you guys as we romp around the craft room gluing and cutting and markering.

I forgot to tell you our new Pastor is so far so good. His sermons have actually taught me something. I need it lemmee tell ya.

Let's see, any other random thought for you---oh yeah I got MSN Messenger now. So if you want to chatty chat chat just use my email address for my ID -it's over to the left there somewhere, tay?

Cute Babies at the Park Yesterday

Lily on the top, Hannah on the bottom.
Feeding the duckies.
I bought these Gymboree Whale Watching dresses from eBay for $10 for both. Yeah baby! You know how much Gymboree costs...and for two kids? It's crazy.ebay is the way to go fah real.
if you cant open comments cuz haloscan is wacked, right click the talking banana comment link and open in a new window.

Things I should be doing right now...
cleaning kitchen, bedroom, living room
throwing away stuff for the big move
selling stuff on ebay
packing stuff to mail to Renee

What I'm really doing...
messing with the computer

Analysis of current situation...
alright already I'll get up now.

Say cheese.

I have to say that for a quick non fussy fix, the new blogger photo thang has got it goin on. But I still loves me some flickr

The girls got these play cameras and decided to play with them as I wanted to take their pictures cuz they looked so cute last Sunday.

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I wanna rock n roll all night...
Thursday, July 14, 2005

I can't believe I have forgotten to tell you guys this. On the These Monkey Kids Are So Freakin Smart It's Scary List, please add #789 They have potty trained themselves. (For pee pee I must clarify.)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's true. For the past year I have been buying whatever books and dvds I have come across that talk about using the potty. They listened intently, but did not show any interest in copying the cartoon characters when they weeweed. I did not force the issue. About a month ago, I bought 2 potties, bc there is no way they could share on this one. I said nothing except, "wow your very own potties!" They started wanting to try, then they went peepee and got stickers! They needed help pulling pants up and down so that was a little annoying bc they wanted to go every 5 minutes at the start, but oh well. Also in the beginning, and still a little, it is a novelty bc they get to go in the bathroom, which they have not been allowed to do unless it's bathtime, then wash hands afterwards, which is a big deal to them.

Now they have gotten to the point where they can do it all themselves, with supervision. Without supervision, they unroll the whole roll of paper into the toilet. The weird thing is, they have some issue with pooping in the potty. No amount of convincing can persuade them. I just figure they will go when it's time, just as they decided it was time to pee pee on the toidy. All that obsessing and worrying I did was for naught. These little piggies monkeys went wee wee wee all the way home.


ps yes i know some people potty train their kids in one day or before they're a year old but that's ONE, okay?


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Where you at, dog?
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

(key the Marvin Gaye song What's Goin' On?)

I have the pretentiouos notion that the internet cares why I haven't posted for what feels like forever but actually is only two days. On Tuesday as you may recall, my mom and I were shopping. What we were shopping for was ceiling fans for my new house. New to me. I haven't told youse the big news. I'm moving in my grandmom's house.

It's right across the street from my house and including the huge garage is almost triple the size of my current house. Neither my brother nor my sis is moving to Monkeyville as far as they know for the rest of their lives and my mom is an only child and she already has a big ole house so that leaves me and the monks. We are really blessed. I do realize that most people work their butts off their entire life to pay a mortgage or monthly rent payments. I am not taking this for granted.

The thing is though, my grandmom grew up very poor during the Depression and she saved everything. By everything I mean ev-er-ee-thing. I knew there was alot of stuff there but I did not realize what it entailed until I went through just a few of her drawers looking for pictures before the funeral. She has the ticket stubs, receipts, you name it from every vacation she ever went on. Every pill bottle from every medicine she ever took. Alot of cool sentimental stuff, and alot of crudola. In the laundry room, for example, I threw away three huge bags of trash that were like styrofoam takeout containers she had washed and dried and stacked, the owner's manuals to every appliance she ever owned, etc etc etc. She evidently never threw any towel away- it got moved down the rag totem pole and put on a different shelf as it aged. I shall never have to buy any teatowels or Tupperware containers.

I am super psyched cuz there's a huge sunporch that's gonna be the monkey playroom. I have always wanted a playroom-now my kids will have one. Everything has to be cleaned out, scrubbed, painted and moved. Loco man loco. Needless to say everything here is totally crazy cuz my mom and dad are helping me and we're trying to get it done by the time my mom and I and my sister go to Mexico. HA! Everybody should move here for a month and help, don't you think? It would be like a vacation, except you'd be working. Whaddaya say?

It would look like this. I would even let you use the toilet inside. We could make s'mores at night and sing She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain. During the day while we are working in the house we can put all the kids in the monkey pen and take shifts for diaper duty.

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Dearest Sister Stacykins...
Monday, July 11, 2005

You're in Costa Rica on vacaciones and I'm at your house rifling furiously through all your belongings. Bwah ha ha! I'm in your room going through your personal stuff and I'm gonna drink the last Coke in your fridge. I just knocked over your pet tarantula and pulled the shelves off the wall while trying to climb up and steal your money, and next I'm gonna eat junk food while watching rubbish on TV and then fight off the Wet Bandits who think the house is empty cuz you went away for Christmas and them I'll reunite the next door neighbor with his long lost granddaughter. No, wait, that's Home Alone. Okay everything is false except the first sentence.

But seriously folks, tomorrow is my day off so my mom and I escaped (monkeyless) and drove aways over here to my sister's house and we're gonna spend the night and go shopping tomorrow. Hannah's head was not anywhere as bad as I thought it would be this morning, and she is eating like a horse, I guess trying to gain back the pound she pooped and barfed off with the virus.

Lest you assume anything about me from the last post like a. I'm some wonderful non-sinning person, and b. I'm afraid to be a bold witness, I will tell you two things.

I thought bad, bad words at work today. My brain looked like this.


I wore my favorite shirt tonight. It has this on the front.

Now, this will get some looks from folks. Especially when it's on a rainbow tiedyed t shirt.


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I met a great guy...
Sunday, July 10, 2005

Today I felt my stomach leap out of my body as I watched my child fall on her head down about 5 steps on a set of steep old wooden stairs. I'm sure you've heard the saying "Having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body" or something corny like that. But man, I tell you, it is so very true. The depth of emotion you feel for your children is so freaking intense. Not that they don't bug the everloving frootloops out of me a large portion of the time, but that's life. I have to tell you though, as I watched her bang down repeatedly on her big pumpkin head, although my first instinct was to gasp, and I felt nauseous for about an hour afterwards from the adrenaline, I did not panic (for longer than 2 seconds,) I simply grabbed her as fast as I could and held her to me and shushed her while I was examining her noggin for injuries. I had a feeling of calm security that no matter what if anything was wrong with her, I could get through it. Because of the guy I met.

(I know that alot of peeps who read what I write here are not Christians and that's cool. I still love you the same. I think that alot of what's wrong with organized religion today is that there are too many wacked out extremists trying to push Jesus down peoples' throats. Just turn on the Inspirational Channel any day and you can see it. Christians who read this will think, well, if you don't try to convert people to Christ you are not fulfilling your obligation. True that. But my personal perspective is although I do consider myself a big Jesus freak, how will I ever show God's love to someone if they run away screaming after they talked to me bc I told them they were gonna burn in Hell? Can't there be a happy medium where I show you what God is like through me but I don't have to choke you with it? I think so. Of course though at any given time you can find at least 500+ people on the internet who will disagree with what I say. But this ain't their blog. HA!)

The depth of love I have for my kids is second only to the depth of emotion I have for God. Gasp! Yes, it's true. But because I know God and I are tight like that, I can have that security of knowing He has my kids' back as well as mine. That does not mean I think nothing bad will ever happen to me or my kids, it means I can get through it with a peace that comes only with Him.

Okay, it's getting too religious for you now, but listen- I have been there and done that with all the other stuff- Wicca, Ouija Boards, New Age, tarot, astrology, crystal "power," Happy Slappy Postive Thinking, Psychological and Philosophical reasoning, blah blah you name it I've tried it. That's how I have something to compare my life to now. That's how I know Jesus is real. That and a million other reasons but I couldn't begin to tell you in this widdle post. That's how I also know that you can't make people believe something just because you believe it. The only thing you can do is be an example to them and share things with them that happened to you, like what happened to me today, and pray that they will get the lightning bolt you got when you finally realized the truth.

Have I lost you yet? I'm starting to ramble, so let me finish telling you about the guy I met. He is the only one who could have possibly kept me here on this planet in spite of everything I did in my short but wacked out 33 years, and most especially through the past few years, fer sure. And today as I watched my poohbear Hannah Grace fall down the stairs. Do you know His name?

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Friday, July 08, 2005

1. The coffee here at work is so weak, in order to drink it I have to add 3 spoonfuls of instant coffee powder. Groty to the max, dude.

2. If my ex husband were to send me any child support money, I would probably faint from shock at the mailbox. Jerkhead.

3. Other than that everything is fine.


Thursday, July 07, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

Royal Flush

So I took Hannah Grace to the pediatrician today because she has more severe symptoms than Lily. What they think the girls have is rotavirus. Renee gets the prize for guessing the cause of the mucho poopoo.

As far as I can see, these kids have no hope of being anything but complete fluffy prissy girly girls. They do love riding on Poppop's tractor and dig big trucks, but more than that they like dolls, makeup, purses, shoes, and playing dressup. I am guilty of buying them a Barbie doll even though they're 2 yrs 4 months and the box says not for kids under 3. No alarm went off when the cashier rung it up, thank goodness. It was the plain kind with just a nice simple conservative dress on, thank you. And I took her shoes off before I gave it to them. They totally dig her even though now she is stripped and her hair looks like her name should be Asylum Barbie instead of Dinnerdate Barbie. So shoot me they were only three dollars each.

On that note, they are really spoiled little chickadoodles lately. (Not bratty, mind you, they say please, thank you, and other little polite phrases while ripping their gifts open.) On the fourth, our friend Carole Anne and her son Jakie came by and brought the girls those cool new bubble toys that are spill resistant. I say resistant not spillproof cuz these primates can spill anything that says spillproof in less than 30 seconds. They had fun playing outside blowing bubbles, then trying to drink them. I was hoping they would burp bubbles afterwards but no such luck. Only in the movies I guess.

Earlier in the day Uncle Bobbob and Aunt Sue had brought them over complete princess dress up outfits with tiaras, fluffy ballet dresses, and high heel shoes with jewels. They insisted on wearing the "hats" outside later while blowing bubbles. It may just be me, but I do believe if any children deserve to be spoiled, these do!

Behold, las princesas de rotavirus.
Hannah Grace

Lily Joy

Yes,their shirts say Drama Queen, and no, I did not plan that.

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Test Your Sick Toddler Knowledge

It doesn't matter if you're a parent or not...sooner or later in your life, odds are you will have to deal with a sick toddler. Let's see how much you know.

When vomited up 2 hours after being eaten, macaroni and cheese looks like:
a. A pasty white mush
b. Sloshy liquid with many whole noodles still intact
c. A melted creamsicle.

Immediately after vomiting on itself, the sick child will:
a. Want to be hugged tightly
b. Want to brush its teeth and gargle
c. Run and get a rag and mop and clean up every little drop.

A sick child's behavior can be annoyingly whiny even if you love them dearly.
a. False
b. True
c. Just neuter me now.

The best liquid to give the sick child is:
a. Pedialyte
b. Sprite
c. Anything that doesn't have red dye #12 in it

Score: Congratulations! If you made it all the way to the end of this quiz without feeling nauseous or clicking away from this blog in total disgust, you can deal with a sick toddler. Now come to my house and test your real life skills x 2 !

HA! You're lucky I'm not telling you about the diarrhea. AND I have to collect a stool sample. I thought those were only for dogs, but no. I still love 'em though. I can let them barf on me without even flinching.

ps please don't be mad at me if I haven't read your blog the past few days. now you know why. i really do love you and i will be back to catch up soon.


pps i am soooo agitated with this blog. everything is publishing big and in a weird font no matter what I do. can someone tell me what happened to make it start doing this?

Yet another neurosis I have.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
I absolutely cannot give my children a bath in the bathtub unless I scrub it vigorously first with antibacterial/antimicrobial disinfectant. It has to be a really strong one that claims to kill every bacteria and virus known to mankind. And then I have to rinse it for like a super long time to get the cleanser off.

No, no one else takes showers in the tub except me, and I don't sit down. And I carry no communicable diseases. Yet, for some reason I can't stand the thought of my baby monkeys sitting their precious bare little tookuses on anything else but a 100% germ and microbe free tub bottom.

I am not paranoid about them eating dirt or anything like that outside. I even let them ride in the grocery cart without the fabric liner thingy anymore, which I used to be paranoid about. But I cannot bear a germy tub for their bath. Am I cautious, or just straight up psychotic and compulsive?

Okay, I do tell the other older kids in the church nursery not to cough on my babies. Or breathe in their face. And I do wash my hands with antibacterial soap like every 5 seconds. But if you knew where I work, and what I do, where I actually have to touch people all day, you would get the heebie-jeebers too. And I always have AntiBacterial wipes with me when I take the girls out somewhere.

Yes, I have heard all the stuff about antibacterial really making things worse and it's better for kids to have germ exposure because it builds their immune system and all that, but it just makes me feel so much better, like I can actually hear the little germ creeps sizzling and screaming as I spray, wipe, and scrub. Die, germs, die! (evil laughter, lightning striking)

Okay, I'm a little weird- you knew that already.
Are you germaphobic too or is it just me? Say I'm a normal mommy, please.

It's tough sometimes...
Sunday, July 03, 2005

..having kids that are so incredibly cute. But I suppose they will just get cuter as they grow older so I will have to learn to deal with it. ha!

The pictures with shoes and hairbows are before church in the morning and the pictures with no shoes and crud on their dresses and no bows are after dinner tonight.

sweeties 0122

sweeties 009
Here's a link to a slideshow with all the pics.
Caution: extreme cuteness beyond this click!

For some sick, sick reason, I invited about 10 people here tomorrow for a cookout. That means I will have to clean my house, as they will be traipsing back and forth to the potty and examining thangs. Next year like a month before the 4th, please give me a cyber kick in the tookus to remind me not to do that anymore. Luckily noone I invited is uptight on the cleanliness tip so I'm not toooooooo worried. It's mainly that the living room looks like a big nuclear toy bomb blew up in it.

Everybody have fun tomorrow, be safe, yada yada blah blah. But seriously, please don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. JOKING. You know you won't do that anyway, will you?

On this Independence Day exercise all your God given rights as a citizen of the good ole US of A. Blog for free, pray in public, burp the alphabet for your Aunt Louise, and remember this...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Ba bye!

ps panky toe update: even uglier today, but not as painful unless young monkey accidentally kicks it. yikes!

Ain't that ironic.
Saturday, July 02, 2005

"I am just so upset right now. I have never, ever experienced this with any client... ever. I have a high return rate and I care about my clients and their designs."

Ha! I am laughing out loud right now about the above quote from the blog of a girl who owns a web design company. She is talking about a client being unhappy with work she did and wanting a refund and also threatening to badmouth her company.

Funny thing is, when I wanted a new design for my blog, being the idiot that I am, instead of going straight to
Echo like I should have done in the first place, I hired her company first to make a design (because she was running a special) and I had the same problems she says this other client is claiming to have but really didn't. She says he's lying and, well, you can read the rest above.

The ironic part is when I had questions, delays, and I complained we had a difference of opinions, and after receiving a couple o' nasty emails from her, I didn't ask for a refund or badmouth her on my blog, I simply told her to keep the money and not worry about it anymore. She then sent me another message after that, telling me I would either let her finish my blog or she would "blackball" me by passing my name and personal information on to pass to all the "big name" blog design companies so that I would be labelled as a "problem client" and not be able to get my blog done.

Yep you heard it correctly. Threatening moi. Not only is that just straight up nasty business, but also super immature. Grow up already. Now I see, she's doing the same thing to other peeps, and blogging about it. Why were you even reading her blog then, you say? Easy. I accidently hit it through a link on someone's blogroll because she changed the name & url since I got jerked over. I totally admit that I do go there every now and then bc as nasty as she was, I look and see if she is still in business. When I started reading this post I mentioned, I actually thought for a second she was referrring to me since the scenario sounded so much like mine. But luckily no. Some other poor sucker.

What is my point in telling you this? The Internet can be a scary place boys and girls, though as a whole that was the first time I ever had a negative experience and lost money. And you get what you pay for. If you want a cool blog design and don't want to get ripped, I recommend
Echo. I'm not saying there aren't other good companies, just none that I can endorse from personal experience. And please note that I never ever once, now or then, mentioned her name or the name of her company on my blog. (I do see that she has hired a Christian lady recently so I really hope she has improved or will improve her business practices.)


ps christi asked me earlier how my panky toe was today. (see previous post) I took a picture of it so you can share my pain.

Note all the nice colors. Click to bigify.


I whine, therefore I am.
Friday, July 01, 2005

Q. Guess what I did today to make my life so much better?

A. Opened the back door of my mommy minivan and had a heavy metal beach chair fall on mah panky toe. Oh my po po panky toe. She is all bruised and swollen and when I walk the pain shoots up my whole daggon foot.
footNormal Foot
popopankytoeMy Foot
I'm not lyin it is purple and puffed up a like a sausage link. Which brings me to another issue: sausage- links or patties? But I digress.

I have diagnosed myself with a broken panky toe phalanges bone.

I'm sure wishing I had one of these but like for my panky toe.

I never knew until I did a search for toe pain that they had all these things for toe comfort. There are entire websites devoted solely to toe issues.

Here is another image I found to describe my panky toe problem.

Does anybody but me remember the scene from Harlem Nights where Della Reese gets her panky toe shot off? I bet it didn't hurt as much as this.

I have strapped my toe to its nearest 2 comrades with Nexcare Flexible Clear First Aid Tape and have received a little relief.

Did I mention it hurts like caaaaaaraaaaaaaazzzzy?

I just noticed this blog is getting very whiny. A big shoutout to the peeps who are still reading it. I love it when you call me Big Poppa Monkey Mama. (Stacy-say that with a British accent.)

That is all.

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Who's the Monkey Mama?

Location: Planet Twinstar, Monkeyville, United States

I'm a real live human person...the slightly wacky mom of 6 year old identical twin primate princesses and one 2year old monkeyboy. I'm divorced from a crazy baboon and remarried to a big snuggly gorilla. I thank God daily for my wonderful family and friends, without whom I would go berserk. My chirren are the cutest kids ever born (besides yours) and if you don't believe that you obviously need to see a shrink.

How is she feeling?

The Monkey Mama's imood is
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)

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Contact me, the monkey mama. two_wild_monkeysatya hoo.com

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